Last week in review 09/23

I just had to get this down quick before I forgot. Last week was one for the ages. It started on Thursday night/Sat morning. This was straight from the log-book at work:

Guest in 508 came down and claimed to have been "visited" several times during the night. I asked her if I should call security, and she said "dont bother, what that room needs is priest and a blessing". Ahhhh... I see.

She asked me if any deaths had occurred in this building. I conveniently neglected to tell her that the old hospital morgue used to be located in the basement.

Again, she said we need a priest and thorough cleansing of the 5th floor. I conveniently neglected to tell her that I was a registered minister.

Long story even longer, I could have had a riot tonight, but I conveniently neglected to.

~ Rev. Nate

PS, I tried to move her to the 7th floor, but she checked it out and informed me that it was "much worse". Apparently, the 7th floor should be "spiritually quarentined"... yikes

PSS, When I let her know that I've never had that kind of spiritual sensitivity, she said that I should "Rub my forehead" to "open up my 3rd eye" (yikes part II). I conveniently neglected to tell her that my 3rd eye was open, but that was from rubbing something else... bedum-schhhhh!

Follow-up to this story (yikes part III): Apparently, someone HAD DIED in Room 507 (right next to her room). Some woman had fallen and cracked her head on dresser... Riced on impact, DOA.

(Note: the term "Riced" is a Dan Kiehnle euphemism for "maggot-ready"... stay tuned, I'll be adding more of these "Danisms" in the future)

Don't believe the hype: Part II

So with all the recent "scandal" involving Dan Rather and the forged documents, I wonder how people feel about CBS and Danny-boy now. Interesting:

http://gallup.com/poll/content/?ci=13222

Why did CBS News report this story?
56% Honest Mistake,
38% To make Bush look bad,
2% Did nothing wrong,
4% No opinion

Should CBS fire Dan Rather?
26% Yes,
64% No,
10% No opinion

I guess that means that all-in-all, the mud on the wall washed off well. Nice try Rove

Cheney Flip-Flop!

First he's against removing Saddam, and now he's for it! (ooops, sucks when the pot is black)

http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/national/192908_cheney29.html

Who knows whats next! Perhaps Cheney will now pat a senator on the back and say "Good to see you" instead of "GO FUCK YOURSELF"
(http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A3699-2004Jun24.html)

Hope springs eternal

"Peeance Freeance"

This is an oldy but goody. I posted this one on other blogs when I came across the whitehouse.com source video of the press-conference.

"It’s in the interest of uh, long-term peace in the world that we -- uhh -- work for a free and secure and peaceful Iraq. A peeance, freeance secure Iraq in the midst of the Middle East will have enormous historical impact."

http://www.whitehouse.gov/news/releases/2003/10/20031027-1.html#

Fast forward the video 3/4ths through the conference. Then check it out live (and see the whiplash reaction from Paul Bremer). If you could put words to that reflex, they would be "Whadju-talkin-bout Willis!"

Enjoy, and be afraid.

Dr. Phil: Child Abuser

Okay Nate's really pissed-off today. I shouldnt let the glowing screen get to me this much, but I've just about had enough.

"A Dr. Phil Primetime Special: Family First" (more like commercial $$$ first)
http://www.cbs.com/specials/dr_phil/

Lets break this down: This segment aired about this family who's son apparently exhibits 9 of the 14 traits of a serial killer. Key phrase here "This segment aired". It aired with video of the child and his behaviors, but more importantly: HIS IDENTITY!! How is this child ever going to be able to face his peers at school? How will this child protect his privacy now? How is this child ever going to live a normal life? Do you think his life will be better NOW after being exposed in Prime Time?

So lets see Phil. You have this child that exhibits these behaviors.
You choices are: A.) Privately give this child and his parents the help & counseling they need to have him lead a normal life (and go with a different story), or B.) Exploit this child for commercial profit, therefore certainly condemning him to become the serial killer that you "claim" to help. If this is not 100% pure CHILD ABUSE, I dont know what is.

Dr. Phil, you will now be referred to as "Mr. McGraw"... You know what? On second thought, lets go with "Josef Mengele". Letters are now being written to the FCC and to Texas State Attorney's office. Youre show should be cancelled and you should be on a perp walk. And to this kid's idiot parents: I am contacting CPC and I am encouraging my friends to do the same.

If/When this kid does crack, we can all only hope and pray that there will be 3 people in his cross-hairs: Phil and this kid's abusive parents.

Oh, and you can only guess how I feel about Phil's sponsor Oprah now (not that I felt much for her before). Hey Oprah, heres a good one for youre next book club. A Biography about Dr. Phil "Mengele: The Complete Story" by Gerald Posner.

Thats it for me today. I'm gonna turn off the tele and cool off for a spell.

Quote of the month - September

Think I might keep this one through November 2,

"Why, of course, the people don't want war. Why would some poor slob on a farm want to risk his life in a war when the best that he can get out of it is to come back to his farm in one piece. Naturally, the common people don't want war; neither in Russia nor in England nor in America, nor for that matter in Germany. That is understood. But, after all, it is the leaders of the country who determine the policy and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy or a fascist dictatorship or a Parliament or a Communist dictatorship.

"Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same way in any country."

~Hermann Goering, Commander-in-Chief of the Luftwaffe SS

http://paulvictor.org/Assets/goering.jpg>

Swaggart urges breaking of 2 commandments!

Actually, he may also have broken the "fire in a crowded theatre" clause from 1st amendment (attn: FBI):

"I'm trying to find the correct name for it ... this utter absolute, asinine,
idiotic stupidity of men marrying men. ... I've never seen a man in my life I
wanted to marry. And I'm gonna be blunt and plain; if one ever looks at me like that, I'm gonna kill him and tell God
he died."

Video of this threat from JSM here - forward to 36:30

So the FCC will go after Howard Stern for making doody jokes, but will not go after Jimmy Swaggart for making an open threat against gay people.

Notice the rousing affirmation from his Nuremburg... I mean, New Orleans congregation. The FBI would be wise to profile this audience with future attacks on homosexuals.

In Defense of John Kerry

The argument (straight out of Karl Rove's playbook) has been floating around for a month of Sundays. In total, it amounts to a good sound-bite: "John Kerry is a flip-flopper on Iraq". Dont get me wrong, sound-bites sell advertising (see: Janet Jackson's titty TV week on Fox), but theres always more to the story. So allow me to finally flush this floater for good.

The Kerry flip-flop argument is extremely flawed. Heres why:

1.) Ultimate Responsibility. This argument denies the accountability of George W Bush as the ultimate decision maker (commander in chief), and tries to throw the blame onto Congress - and John Kerry - for approving W's "use of force". John Kerry is not responsible for Bush's mishandling of the conflict. Only GEORGE WALKER BUSH is responsible for:

A.) Going into a full-blown invasion and occupation of a soveriegn country with a slapped-together weak coalition that wouldnt put a boot on the ground, a dime in the cophers, and would run at the first sign of trouble.

B.) Making damn sure that there was some sort of Exit Strategy (see: the Powell Doctrine ). In fact, Bush doesnt even have an Exit Strategy now!!! I think "staying the course" is all we've recieved so far.

C.) Convincing the Iraqis that they were being "liberated" and not "occupied", and not just convincing the Americans that the Iraqis were being "liberated" and not "occupied".

Face facts: after a while, the buck must stop at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue

2.) "Use of force" misconception. Alluded to above, the idea that "use of force" is synonomous with "full-blown invasion and occupation of a soveriegn nation" is 100% pure SPIN. During the congressional debates over this, yours truly thought it would be a good idea (with John Kerry) to approve "use of force" power against Saddam. I saw it as a useful tool to push Saddam back into the bargaining table regarding inspections regime. When Colin Powell was flashing his fancy arial photos of WMD's in front of the UN, I even mentioned:

"Why the hell are these installations NOT in the crosshairs of a fucking cruise-missile at this very moment!" (which started me doubting the WMD claims from the very beginning)

In other words, "Use of force" could entail a whole laundry list of options and choices of how to deal with Saddam: Drone missile attacks of Terrorists & WMD installations (which we have since used in Yemen); cruise missile attacks of key Republican guard installations or WMDs; strategic bombing of key military installations - weakening them; support of rival factions to take out weakened installations... The list goes on, but it should be obvious that these all have one thing in common: they dont involve putting one single boot on the ground, but as we saw in Bosnia, they are still incredibly effective.

3.) Funding the War. First off, remember that the Constitution gives the President the right to enter into a military conflict BUT then gives CONGRESS the POWER OF THE PURSE. (go back a read your 101 civics books - or ask me for one). John Kerry & Congress gave Bush "use of force" against Iraq. John Kerry then said that he would use this Power of the purse to keep the President honest (you know, because in this country we have a President, not an Emperor). And sure enough, after Bush went forward with his complete walking miscarriage of a plan, John Kerry followed through, and used his power to vote against funding - knowing as I did that Bush's policy (again, full scale invasion and occupation of a foreign nation on the cheap with no allies or exit plan) was a failed-from-the-get-go money-pit. He sealed up the purse, and GOD BLESS him for it.

Additionally, much has been made about Kerry voting for the $87 billion before voting against it. Remember that Bush did JUST THE OPPOSITE: he said he would vote AGAINST funding, THEN he approved of the plan only after it was full of PORK.

Examples of "The Pork":

A.) B-52 bomber funding: completely outdated, non-targeted carpet-bombing completely useless for street-by-street keeping the peace in Iraq.

B.) Submarine technology: Very important... 40 YEARS AGO!!! (and when armed Iraqi militants get a submarine - but I'm not holding my breath)

C.) Bradley fighting Vehicles: Ask Mike Cadwallader (Bradley driver '90-99). A Bradley is a grenade housed in a tin-can on tracks, a rolling target, and made completely OBSOLETE by M-1 A-1 tanks and larger Armored Personel Carriers. The Bradley was actually featured in the anti-Kerry commercials! (for more on the Bradley boondoggle, see: "The Pentagon Wars")

D.) Re-vamped funding of Star wars missile defense. Even if these small militant groups gained access to ICBMs (again, breath held), preliminary tests of this plan proved incredibly unreliable even against ICBMs. (See: Center for Defense Information )

So here are 4 examples of complete PORK added into the $87 billion. George W Bush told congressional leaders he would vote against it if these were not added to the MOST important stuff - Body armor, supplies, Humvee armor, etc.

John Kerry defended our pocket-books (very conservative policy) and voted against this useless bureaucratic PORK in an overall walking miscarriage of a plan, which if you took time to look at Kerry's Senate record, he has always consistantly done. And GOD BLESS him for it.

(Note: there have been many such Pork broilers in the Senate and they all share the same characteristics: not much legislation in their name, often vote against bills they initially support (too full of pork), and lose-out on key positions. Kerry - as a former prosecuter - is one such hero)

So there you are. Obviously not a sound-bite, but proof-positive that sound-bites may sell advertizing, but they dont have to sell you. This also proof-positive that the valve is open, and that "flip-flop" has now been officially delivered to the sound-bite sewer, and the ash-heap of history!

KA - FLOOOOOOOOSH!!!

PS, despite Kerry's cost-saving vote against funding, Bush's 87 billion ball of PORK ended up passing... And how has it helped us in Iraq? (again, breath held)

PPS, I'm also nominating "Ka-Floosh" as the official sound-bite word for all of George W Bush's simpleton, horse-blinder ideas. As with any simple solution to complex problems, they are all turd tootsie-pops: Sweet on the outside, but full of shit. The question is then, ultimately, how many times will you lick?

Nate Reviews: "Left Behind"

This could possibly be the best unintentional cult-flick since reefer madness - and I mean that in the movie genre sense, and in the Christian fundamentalist sense.

My friend and I took a gander and watched this would-be Christian prostelitizing tool. It was one of our more worthy blind-rentals. Our laughter kept our neighbors awake, and kept us in seizures the whole time.

Kirk "Too straight for Growing Pains" Cameron is in rare form as ace-reporter (get this): BUCK WILLIAMS. BWA-HAHAHAHAHAHA! This just gives you a taste of this propagandist turd/cult-movie gem. Seriously, no excersize will compare to the ab-flexing torturous yucks that Left Behind provides.

I have not yet viewed the straight-to-video sequel, but it also stars "Buck Cameron" (hee hee) and if its anything like Left Behind, you may have to stretch before viewing. But I should add that the TBN network (home of the future cult-TV favorite: Benny Hinn), is host to an undiscovered treasure-trove of this 'tainment. My friend and I, still sore from "Buck and Co.", ran back and rented "Megiddo: Omego Code II". This one features burned-out-has-been Michael York ("Stone Alexander" hee hee), and a cameo by the digitally animated Big Man Downstairs himself! - no joke.

I think Jesus said it best: "Forgive them Lord, they know not what they do"

See this and my other reviews at:

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B00004YS9G/qid=1095426890/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/104-6110961-8112763?v=glance&s=dvd

1984 checklist

First we have this war between US and THEM (see: Oceania & Eurasia circa 1984):
"You're either with us, or you're with the terrorists"
http://www.whitehouse.gov/news/releases/2002/04/20020430-5.html

Second, we are told this war will never end:
When asked: "Can we win the war on terror" Bush said, "I don't think you can win it"
http://abcnews.go.com/wire/Politics/ap20040830_1685.html

Third, we have Dick Cheney's fear-mongering comments about voting against them:
"It's absolutely essential that eight weeks from today, on Nov. 2, we make the right choice, because if we make the wrong choice then the danger is that we'll get hit again and we'll be hit in a way that will be devastating from the standpoint of the United States."
http://abcnews.go.com/wire/Politics/ap20040908_2160.html

Fourth, theres Bush's complete euphemistic rape of the English language:
"I just want you to know that, when we talk about war, we're really talking about peace. "
http://www.whitehouse.gov/news/releases/2002/06/20020618-1.html

Now add 'em up:

Opposition is with the terrorists +
War that never ends +
Change of leadership declared dangerous +
Bush's Newspeak
-------------------------------------------------------------
=Orwell's Nightmare Scenario

Dont let it work, Vote against Fear! Vote Kerry in 2004!

Dont believe the hype...

So I've been seeing these polls (Times and Newsweek) showing Bush with an 11% lead (a convention bounce). Well lets see how that translates into Electoral college totals:

Election held today: Bush 231 electoral votes; Kerry 307
http://online.wsj.com/public/resources/documents/info-battleground04-frameset.html

Another count: Bush 222, Kerry 264
http://www.electoral-vote.com/

Now heres a qualifier - dont get your hopes up yet: Kerry's lead in 3 of these states is within the margin of error (statistical tie). But remember, you only need to win by one vote to win all the electoral votes in that state.

So Bush's overall popularity vs. Kerry did go up, but as Gore found out in 2000, the popular vote does not count. Also, an 11% lead can dry up in a WADC second. Ask Bush Sr... I've said this before and it bares repeating: Daddy Bush's 90% approval rating in June 1991 dried up to nothing in only 4 months, and he lost!

Keep fighting, Read the platforms, and dont believe the hype!

...live wrong and prosper

Cannot face the people...

He will help us through the war on terror (though he did say it was a war "we cannot win"), but he cannot deal with a DEBATE? And only on the basis that it will be "town meeting" style. What a gutless coward!

Bush Likely To Bow Out Of 1 Debate
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A3586-2004Sep7.html

There he goes again...

I think I may have to create a seperate blog devoted exclusively to new Bushisms, but there are several extensive websites for these. However, here is the latest, and it needs to be archived. Bush decides to describe what OBGYN's do for women. If you can, find the audio for this one - hes got an excitement in his voice that makes the quote twice as nuts:

"Too many good docs are getting out of business. Too many O-B-G-Y-N's aren't able to practice their, their love with women all across this country"

http://news.bostonherald.com/election/view.bg?articleid=43150

Avoiding the hangover

Hey folks,

Nate's getting a bit burned-out by the Big Volley 2004. Yes, thats right, Nate is getting tired of politics. Everything in moderation, I suppose.

For those of you in my boat, here is a tylenol and water technique to avoid this hangover:

1.) If you see a political AD, pretend its an commercial for a pair of light-up Nikes: You really dont need what their selling, Your only getting one side of the story (their side), The competitor's shoes will claim the same things, and despite the emotional thrill of light-up shoes, those pretty lights will burn-out after a week.

If you base your entire November 2nd decision on political adverts, Nate will offer you this garuantee: By November 2nd, your hatred, anger, and general disgust for both candidates will keep you smoldering away from that polling booth. (note: this is the chief strategy of Karl Rove and George W Bush)

2.) Turn off all pundits, talk-show hosts, and political interviews. This would be a great time to switch-on a Seinfeld/Simpsons/South Park re-run. This would also be a good time for: A nice walk, A trip to the gym, A nice dinner out... or a nice laundery day reading the party platforms (see #3)

3.) Most importantly, Read the Party Platforms. This is your homework before November 2nd.
First think carefully about your own beliefs on a range of issues. Secondly, Read the
GOP platform http://www.gop.com/media/2004platform.pdf , and the
DNC platform http://www.democrats.org/pdfs/2004platform.pdf.
Then think about which set of issues are closest to your own.

I know I know, this all takes a lot more work than sitting and watching tube (and political adverts), but I can promise that you will go into that booth November 2nd brimming with confidence. Say goodbye to "lesser of two evils" or flipping a coin. Go to the polls with the wind at your back!

Finally, remember that YOU are the boss, THEY are your potential employees. We are still a nation of, by, and for the people - not the Saudi Royal family.

Spot the difference

Found a few good religious websites (psuedo and otherwise):

"The Child Care action Project"
http://www.capalert.com/capreports/

This page is great. It takes a "chapter and verse" "biblical view"on the Box office. A score of 100 gives a film a "perfect G" rating (Mary Poppins claims this honor)... A score of 0 condemns a movie to hell.... lol

What I love doing with this page is taking a gander on "absolute 0". Basically, think-up a movie that is full of Violence, Sex, Nudity, and Foul language... then see how they rate it. See how close you can get to 0. OR, see if you can actually blow-up the machine!! wooo-hooo! (movies which cause this reviewer to walk-out). I wont give away my absolute 0 winners - you'll have to just try yourself

"Landover Baptist"
http://www.landoverbaptist.org/

Next to the Onion.com, this is my second favorite parody site. Includes commentary by the infamous Betty Bowers: "God told me to hate you". Nuff said - just give it a surf, you'll love it.

All hail Ali G!

James Broadwater - arch-conservative christian - was "ambushed" by Mr. Sacha Baron Cohen, AKA Ali G (AKA GENIUS). Apparently Mr. Broadwater agreed to do the HBO interview under the aspices that it was with a reporter from Kazakhstan (desiring to obtain a US political perspective).

This exchange says it all. What a riot:

Borat: I want to go to this place heaven. Which religion must I choose to go there?
Broadwater: The Christian Bible says that Jesus Christ is the only way to heaven.
Borat: If people choose the Jews, will they go heaven or hell?
Broadwater: Well, I would have to say that they would go to hell.
http://www.lnreview.co.uk/media/journal/002651.php

Net result? Say buh-bye to your "Friend of Israel" status - and bu-bye to your campaign (lost in the primary, thank GOD).

But it gets better. Broadwater's disclaimer response didn't really soften his view, nor improve his "Friend of Israel" rating :

"...everyone who rejects Him will spend eternity in Hell, because he has rejected the Only Begotten Son of God"
http://www.jamesbroadwater.com/HBO.html

He then adds:

"The Bible says, "Silence the mocker and strife will cease," and this stunt pulled by HBO is just one more reason why I believe that the liberal, anti-God media needs to be brought under the strict control of the FCC, and that as soon as possible."

Great. I'm so glad our boys are fighting the Taliban in Afghanistan to protect the Taliban at home.

Boyashaka! RESPEC!

Great Article

A few posts down, I discussed the importance of the campaign finance free market to Progressive, Green, and liberal causes - with regards to Fahrenheit 9/11. Here Terry M. Neal of the Washington Post, gives an very well-written detailed account of what is going on with unregulated "soft money".

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A61087-2004Aug12.html

His contention? Despite the recent offensive by "Swiftboat Vets for the 'Truth'", Liberal, Progressive, and Green causes still have an advantage in the campaign finance free market environment.

Ripped from the movies...

Okay, I think I saw this scene in Seven, but he was tied-down...

480-Pound Woman Dies After Six Years On Couch

Ewwwww... yuckus

I'm so upset

"Panel Dismisses 'Fahrenheit 9/11' Complaint"
http://www.reuters.com/newsArticle.jhtml?type=topNews&storyID=5890742

For those of you not following along at home, a conservative advocacy group petitioned the FEC (Federal Election Commission) to ban advertisments for Fahrenheit 9-11 60 days before an election. Well, the FEC has now passed-down its decision: "no evidence that the movie's ads had broken the law"

I think Seinfeld said it best: "Thats a shame"

Just a side-note and background commentary from yours truly. On March 27, 2002, Dubya signed the McCain/Feingold campaign finance reform bill. Conservative groups (and libertarian groups, I might add) opposed this legislation on the basis that if violated Freedom of Speech.

Now I wouldnt go that far, but I did see some major flaws in this legislation and was opposed to it. Yes, Nate Gerards hereby affirms that he sided with some conservatives (gasp!). But hear me out.

I knew Three things:

A.) Liberal Democrats, Leftists, Progressives, and even Greens routinely make money (gasp!), and routinely donate portions of said money to non-candidate political campaigns that would be restricted under this new legislation. Dont believe me? Look at The Sierra Club, Amnesty International, Human Rights watch, NARAL, NOW, and the ACLU. Sure, these are "issue-advocacy groups" but lets not kid ourselves - they're not about to run ads favorable to Bush & Co. (and GOD BLESS 'em for that!). This year, we'll see groups like moveon.org, The Media Fund, Joint Victory 2004, and America Coming Togethertaking-in upwards of 80 million smackos!

B.) Liberal Democrats, Leftists, Progressives, and most Greens are notorious for disagreeing about the color of the sky. We agree on more things then we disagree, but we put so much emphasis on our disagreements that we allow the opposition to splinter us. But we all have one thing in common: When we individually feel strongly about an issue, we donate money to that cause. And indirectly, this money does alter and affect the political process. McCain/Feingold would have a negative affect on our collective power.

C.) More often than not, this is not a multimillion dollar "big corporation" thing. This is usually me donating 10 bucks to moveon.org, times millions of others doing the same thing! Thats called GRASS ROOTS

Actually, "The Pendulum" was so named because of just such a dilemma. I am a firm believer the Law of Unintended Consequences AKA "The road to hell is paved with good intentions". Liberals and Conservatives alike often pass legislation that sounds good & thinking they will benefit or that it will negatively affect the other party. Net result? More often than not, "The Pendulum swings both ways", and we get screwed.

Patriot Act - Perfect example. Do you honestly think that Conservatives would trust the Patriot Act in the hands of John Kerry? Answer: about as much as we trust it in the hands of John "Women's private medical records in the hands of a Pro-life Pentacostal nut-case" Ashcroft.

So dont fear the Benjamins, fellow Progressives. Make your money, love your advocacy, spend your money on your favorite advocacy.

No Comment

Insert your joke here:

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we," Bush said

http://www.whitehouse.gov/news/releases/2004/08/20040805-4.html