Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Chehalis' Banshee: Alfred Hamilton Lives!

The last time I fell under the spell of Chehalis WA, I had a lot less on my mind (See: Alfred Hamilton, Part I). Even then, the draw was fairly non-destinct. Yet despite all else (you know), I found myself again pulling off at Exit 72 Rush Road to document & archive NW history's favorite microcosm.

The weekend began in a typical PDX state of semi-conciousness. In recovery from this state, I headed North for a family reunion - a first for this set of cousins. Following my mapquest, I found myself at a familiar, yet never traveled, exit: "Dyke Access Road". Meeeeelions double entendres flashed through my mind ("Guess what I went up", etc etc). Quite a remote location, yet filled with hog-feeding fun: The tradition on this side is to make an army's serving of food to be eaten by 15 people. Long story even longer, I spend the rest of Saturday & Sunday being the personal jungle gym for all my cousins' kids (a blast), and then engaged fam in an all-night duel of guitar hero.

Meanwhile, the tsunami back home broke.

I-5 North. Passing through rural WA nothingness. Why do I find this area so familiar. Oh right, that's why:



Breaks lock up and I pull over. I won't lie, I may have sacrificed life and limb for Al. Next time I'll be sure to keep in the right lane sooner - no promises.

And always doubling our pleasure, Alfred hits again.

Now I'm pretty sure that the Alfred clan ran out of S's. But the remote possibility that the Hamilton kidz had since gained an affinity for gangsta rap made me laugh to myself - alone in the tall grass under Al's billboard.

Fellow archivers of NW microcosm: The Hamilton billboard changes monthly - possibly more frequently. When travelling down the I-5 coridoor, take a planned rest-stop at 1360 Rush Rd. Chehalis, WA 98532-8728, and snap off a few non-lethal rounds.

Friday, August 24, 2007

Let's all just chill out...

And enjoy some soothing music...

Iggy and the Stooges - Search and Destroy


Graves at Sea - Pariah


Finntroll - Trollhamaren


And just in time for the weekend,
The Pogues - Streams of Whiskey


See? Doesn't that feel better?

Live wrong and prosper

Monday, June 25, 2007

Bill O'Reilly's first "Correction"

(Yeah, I know. We'll just call this a brief hiatus from a Black Sabbatical)

Color me amazed. After thousands of unsourced, unwarranted, and unapologetic brain burps *, Herr Falafeloofa - the grand duke of avoiding culpability (lil' Bush being crowned king), tried to sneak the following in on the tail-end of his latest column:

"I would like to correct the record. A few weeks ago I wrote that reporter Andrew Buncombe of the Independent neglected to tell his readers that Roger Ailes of Fox News was joking in a remark where the names Obama and Osama were used. In fact, Mr. Buncombe did mention the joke. My apologies to him"

* Here's a fine collection - by no-means unabridged - of Bill O'Reilly brain-burps:

"News" Stories more important than Iraq - according to Herr Falafeloofa


Kansas Murder suspect a "White-bread Guy" (as opposed to Bill's fantasy suspect, of course)

Bill's vile propaganda outfit "study"

(includes Bill's completely colorful, yet unsourced, and unsubstantiated hard-on chart)

And let us never forget his greatest folly ever, "The Paris Business Review" incident

Roll film:





There... Happy?

For those that are immune to the obvious* Meet the Stress, inc. will be continuing our Black Sabbatical into the next few months.

No worries, still have volumes of topics & info to sculpt and distribute to Cthulhu's apostles - just not the time nor the tech. Will be up-and-running ASAFP.

* You know who you are fuckface

Friday, March 02, 2007

A Chat with Mr. Bryan Styble



Note: Meet the Stress, inc. has been on Black Sabbatical for the past few weeks. The following is from the not-so-deep archives of my email. Chronologically, it takes place after Styblehead's so-called resurrection, but before his recent "Black History Month" racist tirade:


When KIRO brought back Bryan Styble (known to all his faithful fans as "Styblehead") to host a few inclement weather broadcasts, KIRO listeners from all over instantly felt their ears bleed - a common Pavlovian response to the name Styble. After my bleeding ceased, I promptly jumped on the opportunity to besmirch Styble's well-known lily-white honor - fulfilling my solemn oath as Cthulu's character assassin.

After several cranky Styble broadcasts about how he was never fired by KIRO - only "rescheduled", I decided to kick it up a notch (BAM!) and write my buddy Bryan the following fence-mending email:


Date:Fri, 15 Dec 2006 01:26:20 -0800 (PST)
From:industrialist4life@yahoo.com
Subject:weather
To:radioactiveseattle@hotmail.com

Welcome back Bryan,


Looking forward to another night of thrills spills and doctor bills.


Can you please respond to the following claim: Back in October when your show was "cancelled", you claimed that your show had been simply "rescheduled".


Here is the dictionary definition:


Reschedule
: assign a new time and place for an event;
("time" being the operative word here)

The only way that your show fits the "rescheduled' (rather than "cancelled") definition is if Tom Clandening and KIRO were able to
predict the weather 2 months in advance. Thus being able to reschedule your show for the exact time/date of the next snow/wind storm.

Please clear this up, as it seems to you've been lying to your
0.08 rated audience.
Have a good show, and good luck with everything Styblehead Boast-to-Boast.

Love, Mercifurious
To which I quickly received the following horrifically obscene response:


From:"Bryan Styble"
To:industrialist4life@yahoo.com
Subject:RE: weather
Date:Sun, 17 Dec 2006 04:12:00 -0800

YOU are the definition of coward and asshole!
This was shocking to me - and must also be for the other 10 listeners involved in the ongoing persistent ocular blood-loss class-action against Styble. Shocking because Styble has always strictly and annoyingly adhered to a "scatological free" broadcast. Nary a crap makes it over the airwaves at KIRO during Styble's mic time. Always ironic too because of Styblehead's adherence to giving the CRAPPIEST broadcast ever.

SO, what else could I do? As designated class-action lawsuit foreman (and out of my afore-mentioned blood-oath to Cthulu), I had to reply back to Bryan:


Date:Tue, 19 Dec 2006 04:13:24 -0800 (PST)
From:
Subject:RE: weather
To:"Bryan Styble"


Dear Bryan,

Awwwww... your sweet words are like honey in my ear. If only you could be this entertaining ON the air. Funny how you get so incensed about everyone using the word "Crap", but then you send me a completely profane ad hominem attack.

Oh, and I heard your request this morning about the listening audience calling "Stephanie" at KIRO (206) 726-6902 (ie, the number you gave out on the air). Will do. And thankyou for the Styble heads-up (pun intended)

Sincerely,
~N

PS, Ad Hominems aside - care to comment on your definition for "reschedule"?

The email exchange(s) following this reply could be the strangest (& most amusing) that I have ever had with anyone - including trolls I've met on 3rd Ave. For the purpose of creating an unbiased unspoiled impression, I will paste the remainder of the Bryan Styble email exchanges without further opining, editing, or blathering. Yes, Cthulu will just have to sit in his jar for a while.

Warning: the following Styble emails are long, didactic, and possibly crappier than his broacasts. Read at your own risk:


From:"Bryan Styble"
To:industrialist4life@yahoo.com
Subject:Someone is impersonating Bryan Styble in cyberspace
Date:Tue, 19 Dec 2006 04:45:17 -0800

December 18, 2006

Mr. or Ms. "Industrialist4life"
Somewhere in anonymous cyberspace, USA

Dear Sir or Madam (whoever you are):

I have absolutely no idea who wrote to you that "coward and
*******! " text quoted below, but it was NOT me. I repeat, I did not write that
to you, or to anyone else, either recently, or at anytime in the past.
Those were not my words, nor will they ever be.

Obviously, someone else was impersonating me, although I don't
know cyber techniques nearly well enough to know how someone can do that
convincingly. But someone obviously has.

That's because I have never in my life typed that word, in
e-mail or on a typewriter. That word is not in my lexicon. WhoEVER wrote that
scatological nastiness to you, it was not Bryan Styble. It was someone
pretending to be Bryan Styble.

Perhaps is was the same person (or persons, perhaps; I have no
idea if there is just one or many such various individuals) who have been
spuriously posting in my name on the Internet on that mean-spirited website known
as "BlatherWatch".

Whereas I DID (back in the Summer of 2005) make a couple of
postings on BlatherWatch, (each clearly posted UNDER MY OWN NAME, signing each
of them "BRYAN STYBLE/Seattle"), I have not since then posted ANYTHING on
BlatherWatch, under my name or under ANY other anonymous name.

In fact, I have no idea how I would GO ABOUT POSTING
ANONYMOUSLY, were I inclined to do that, which I am not. I have NEVER posted
ANYTHING in ANY sector of the Internet anonymously; I find the habit virtually
everyone (but me) has of doing that sort of thing downright STALINIST. Every
posting I originate is signed by me, along with the city from which I've
posted.
In fact, you've been most scurrilous towards me and my
broadcasts, "Nate" (if indeed you are the "Nate" who has campaigned repeatedly
against me on the Internet, as I suspect you are, but don't know), so much so
that I wouldn't be surprised if you, Mr. "Nate" aka "Multifurious", phonied up
that supposed e-mail under my name YOURself in an effort to discredit me, or
perhaps merely get me just as annoyed as you've tried on the air to do
at least once.

But assuming you're sincere in having received that spurious
e-mail, I again reiterate that I didn't write it, and never WOULD write
such a nasty set of text...even to someone who has been as nasty to me on
the air and in cyberspace as this "Nate" fellow has been to me in the past.

As for the "rescheduling" business, I was merely restating what
had been stated to me. If you choose not to believe that, feel free to be
cynical. In fact, feel free to call me naive, but I didn't lie about
that much less imagine having heard that, any more than I typed that ugly
sentence falsely attributed to me.

Sincerely,
BRYAN STYBLE/Seattle
Reply from your's truly :


Date:Tue, 19 Dec 2006 22:45:39 -0800 (PST)
From:
Subject:Re: Someone is impersonating Bryan Styble in cyberspace
To:"Bryan Styble"

Bryan,

Unfortunately for you, the email with the "scatological nastiness" originated from YOUR email address, and none-other:

radioactiveseattle@hotmail.com

The exact same address that I sent the original email to. The exact same address that you sent the last email from. You can scroll down and see for yourself. I also have the exact email record in my inbox.

Nonetheless, I'll include your latest antithesis in my upcoming blog - to be fair. I'm sure your defense against using bad language will be as compelling as Mike Webb's upstanding insurance records.

Have a great show tonight. And we'll see you again when KIRO "reschedules" you 2 months in advance for the next storm.

~Nate in Seattle
AKA Mercifurious

PS, Alternative Ockham's Razor theory: Perhaps you have an angry, profane and uncontrollable alter-ego that sent that email.
Styble fires back with a truly vivid history of our long-standing radioactive affair:

From:"Bryan Styble"
To:industrialist4life@yahoo.com
Subject:Styble has never typed those words to you or anyone
Date:Wed, 20 Dec 2006 05:22:48 -0800

December 20, 2006


Dear Mr. "Nate" (or whatever alias you're using today):

What "fight" are you talking about?!? I happen to RESPECT and (as much
as I know him, which isn't much) personally LIKE Mr. Goldstein. I have no
idea what he thinks of me, but I was happy to have him share that hour with
me.

But while I don't know what he thinks of me, I know what you
(evidently) think of me. Which is fine--you're entitled to detest my broadcast work, but why
that equates to character assassination on your part I've no idea.

Hold me in whatever contempt you wish, but that doesn't entitle you to
misquote me from my broadcasts (which you've REPEATEDLY done; for
instance, I never beseeched my audience to call Stephanie--that was in direct
response to a caller who wanted a specific name to contact). But you shall
continue to misquote me in an effort to embarrassment professional anyway, I'm
sure, based on your determined efforts thus far.

Your inexplicable campaign against me also doesn't entitle you to quote
and duplicate a sentence that I NEVER WROTE AND NEVER WOULD WRITE. I have
no idea where you got it--again, I'm not convinced you're not so
determined to ruin my career that you'd be underhanded enough to fake it yourSELF,
but I'll take you at your word that you didn't.

But you should take me at MY word that I didn't write or type those
words. I don't use that word verbally or in text, with you or anyone else.
Someone was impersonating me. For all I know, someone at my home sent it from
my e-mail account. But I didn't. And won't. I'm just not that way. I
don't use scatological language, I don't like it, and I don't force it on
other people, unlike you.

So quit claiming that I do.

What on earth compells you regarding this, or that silly Hedy Lamarr
business (I NEVER claimed I wrote anything but the WFLD obituary for
her; there were proably 2000 if not 4000 separate TV, radio and print obits
written for her) I wrote one, and only one of what surely were many
many various ones upon her demise, and the fact that you can't understand
that suggests you don't understand media one whit...which is rather
surprising, since I thought you were sharp the one time I remember talking to you
on-air...which of course you used as an opportunity to try to foist
some scatological language of your OWN on my audience, which I why I cut
short the call.

All of the above was written on the presumption that you've been
dealing with me in good faith, when your behavior on-air and in your hostile
e-mails of course indicates otherwise.


Sincerely,
BRYAN STYBLE/Seattle
So there you go, fellow eye-bleeders. And to think this guy had a 0.08-rated show. How dare anyone turn the radio off when their ears bleed - of all the nerve!

Other than that quip, the floor is yours.
As radio folk incessantly say when they call-in:

"I'll take your comments off the air"


Friday, February 02, 2007

Lite-Brites = Bomb-Scare

So we've been hearing all week about these "devices" planted by evil Adult Swim agents - many being mistaken as "bombs". Seriously, do these look like bombs to you?



If this looks like a bomb to you:

A.) You might also believe that 24 is real (dude, it's fucking KIEFER!)
B.) You're too young to remember Lite-Brite.
C.) You need to read "Beyond Fear", and start worrying about drowning in your own bath-tub before terrorism.

So, once more. This is a bomb:


This is a Lite-Brite:


If the FBI, CIA, or Boston Authorities can't figure out the difference between the two, then I guess we really should be worried. In this case, these evil Cartoon Network minions committed the most unforgivable of crimes:
They made the government look bad.

Friday, January 26, 2007

Van Halen with DLR: Yes, it might just happen


The staff here at Meet the Stress, inc. are all confirmed sieg heilers, heel-clickers, and goose-steppers for Van Halen. And by Van Halen, we are referring to the classic line-up of Eddie Van Halen, Brother Alex, Michael Anthony, and most important - Diamond David Lee Fucking Roth (ie, God).

According to this unassailable logic, Van Halen officially reached oblivion and room temperature on April 1, 1985 when Roth was booted and replaced with the devil - Sammy Hagar (aka "Bette Midler drag act", "Squinty McZubaz", "Fatty Pajamaman"). Sure, there had always been some infighting between DL-fing-R and the Halen bros. But this raises a much greater question: Why argue with God? (aka DLR)

Of course, any and all future variations on this Roth-less theme - up to and including the terrible flirtation with Gary Cherone - should also be viewed as non-canonical, blasphemous, heretical, and contrary to all natural law.

On this note, I'm proud to announce a possible long-awaited resurrection:
Billboard: "Van Halen Reuniting with Roth for Tour"

Now some cautionary notes. I covered my bases in the title: "Yes, it just might happen". Several big variables and obstacles to overcome:

A.) First and foremost, David Lee Roth and his overwhelming ego. Of course, when you're God, this goes with the territory. When DLR told Moses "Tell them 'I am' has sent you" the connotation here is that nothing exists without the supreme will of DLR, right? The VH bros just gotta deal.

B.) Michael Anthony DOA. On September 8th 2006, Eddie VH announced that Anthony was out, and that his 15 year old son Wolfgang was VH's new bassist. We all love Mike and his Jack Bass, but really - crucial VH member, or expendable? You know the answer. But it's gottta be pretty insulting to be replaced with a 15 yo punk.

C.) Three on one. Lil' Wolfie is going to be the VH bros' sock puppet. So that's Alex, Eddie, and Wolfie vs. God. This certainly could be a recipe for disaster.

D.) This is really 15 years too late. As much as we appreciate God and all his wisdom, DLR has always been pretty pretty thin on-top - and getting thinner.

...and Eddie's new corpse look doesn't sweeten the offer:


But to this I say we've seen worse - and it wasn't that bad. We saw DLR solo at Bumbershoot 2004 and he fucking ruled. We saw an overweight VH cover-band last week in Portland, and they fucking ruled. If they can all get-it-together, and if DLR can be magnanimous and benevolent with his ego (big if), it just might work.

There is always hope. There is some glue left to keep them together. This time, we must look-to and trust-in Benjamin Franklin & his clone army for some much-needed hope glue:


There are only a few shows that I've ever paid over $50 to see. Iron Maiden with Rob Halford (worth every penny). Slayer, Black Sabbath, Priest, and Iron Maiden (easily every penny). This show I am willing to spend anything. I'd say one Benji is my limit, but I'd be lying.

In leu of this exciting news, I've planted the Van Halen torch (upper-right) - claiming this blogland for VH. But more importantly - when all the variables, obstacles, and egos are tossed-aside, our friends at RothArmy.com will ignite their VH torch - and every other torch linked to it.

So there it is: Save-up your shekels, & pray daily to DLR that Benjamin Franklin's clone-army hope-glue brings it all home.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Conservative Information Black-Hole (Busted!)

Alternative title: "Why conservatives reside in terminal idiocy"

In a previous entry I decried conservative websites for dubious citation jobs. In particular I targeted Orbusmax - a local conservative news-service (of sorts):

"Because he's always using other right-wingnuts as sources, Orbusmax is a prime offender for being right-wing recycle-bin/ echo-chamber."

Here's a prime example. Orbusmax' bold headline right now reads:
"Report: Gulf States Prepared to Back US Military Strike on Iran"

Clicking on the link does not bring you to a credible source: For example, no report from Gulf State ambassador(s); no minutes from a Gulf State coalition meeting; no Gulf State leader(s) statements, letters, documents, etc. No, clicking on this only sends us to orbusmax' favorite go-to conservative weblog Little Green Footballs, who gives us this entry:
"Report: Gulf States Prepared to Back US Military Strike on Iran"

Information, sources, and citations become even more chimerical from here. Little Green Footballs gives us a segment of a "...paper, written by GRC program director, Dr. Christian Koch," but gives us no link to that paper. This segment also fails to present any actual credible Gulf State sources (listed above).

Again, there is still no link to this phantom "paper" or any report, but LGFootballs does give us this:

A new paper issued by an influential Dubai think tank suggests that Gulf states may be prepared to
back a US military strike on Iran

This hyperlink sends us to - wait for it - yet another weblog. This Alice rabbit-hole is run by the ultra-conservative NY daily, The Daily Sun. And it get's better (or worse). The article posted on this blog is again titled:

"Report: Gulf States Prepared to back US Military Strikes on Iran"
(still waiting for the actual link to an actual report)

This weblog article - posted by online editor Daniel Freedman - seems to be the final resting place for this weblog circle-jerk. But like all the others, Freedman again makes reference to "...paper, written by GRC program director, Dr. Christian Koch," but again fails to provide any verifiable links to that paper. Freedman's article includes the same segment as LGFootballs. But again, no citation, no report, no link.

Freedman makes reference to a speech given by Bush's Under Seceretary of State Nicholas Burns to the GRC where Burns said:

"The Middle East isn't a region to be dominated by Iran. The Gulf isn't a body of water to be controlled by Iran. That's why we've seen the United States station two carrier battle groups in the region,"

But there is no reference here to any Gulf States backing this US move. Again, no credible sources - no report from Gulf State ambassador(s); no minutes for a Gulf State coalition meeting; no Gulf State leader(s) statements, letters, documents, etc - are given to verify this claim.

Taken together: A supposed online news-service cites a conservative blog that cites another conservative blog that cites NOTHING.

Unfortunatly, many people reading an alarmist & determinitive headline about Gulf States backing US military strikes on Iran will accept it at face-value. Many will show up to the water-cooler tomorrow with a "Guess what I heard?". Many others will lovingly send mass emails to friends/family with the headline, linking back our friend
Orbusmax.

All this undoubtedly improves the advertising revenue for Orbusmax & his circle-jerk blog friends. But we live in country where the president is actively suppressing information and then actively declassifying only parts of documents that support his schemes.

In this context, the propegation of pseudo-information is a detriment to our democratic survival as a country, and the Soviet-caliber propagandists using this tactic should be cast into the same asheap of history.


Friday, January 19, 2007

Belated Passage: Alfred Hamilton 1920-2004

Last weekend's Portland road-trip tribulation presented a few new stories for the ages: A new nickname; A profane jager-induced rage at a Van Halen cover-band playing Haggar; A "No-athon"; Chasing Mariah around with a DLR residue-laced hand.

But one segment stuck-out in my mind from the return trip. I've made note of this road-side display on several previous I-5 trips, but like many items in my life, that note had been repeatedly filed deep into my ADD-adled archives. This time I kept thinking about it afterwards - clearly a lifetime of exposure to this I-5 landmark had pushed aside all other higher brain functions.


For I-5 travelling Warsh-ingtonians, the Uncle Sam billboard between Chehalis & Centralia has become both an unsightly attraction & the purest form of 1st Amendment use. I'm normally hit with a combo-punch of both descriptions - inducing a nervous chuckle.

Again, this exposure pushed me deep into thought about the who's, what's, & why's behind Chehalis' beloved/hated Uncle Sam. The initial searches for all things Uncle Sam were incredibly fruitless - "Washington" and "Uncle Sam" led google into empty pastures. But after several deep caches, I finally found a name and obituary:

Alfred Hamilton, 1920-2004:
He Put Conservative Views on Billboard

Photo: Hamilton and Billboard - 1972
(Note: Answers that spawn more questions - Who the hell is Bill Caruth?)

As you can see, Hamilton's death hit the AP and was quickly carried nationwide:
New York Times: "Highway's Message Board Now Without a Messenger"
San Fran Chronicle: "Washington State Loses a Unique Free-speech Icon"

And what a surprise! Our dear wingnuts at the Freerepublic also picked it up:
"Owner of I-5's 'Uncle Sam' Billboard Dies at 84"
(w/ 50+ fun posts of Freeper commentary)

The best resource as always is the one closest to ground zero. I went through the Chehalis Chronicle archives & found (and paid for) a total gem of an obituary. From this, I've been able to piece-together a biographical sketch of sorts for this free-speech anti-hero:

Born: March 31, 1920, in Chehalis to parents Frank and Edith Hamilton.

Attended the one-room Valley School and later studied at what is now Washington State University - never graduating.


From daughter Sherryl Zurek:

"If he graduated, he would have been drafted. He quit early so he could get a deferment, and he farmed instead of going into the service."
(Wow, a draft-dodger - and dodged WWII no less!)

Married Ruth Knoles in 1942.
He raised sheep, then started raising turkeys, producing as many as 20,000 to 30,000 a year on the land just north of Midway Meats and west of Interstate 5. Hamilton became interested in real estate, building and leasing the Ribeye restaurant and McDonald's on the land left him by his father
(Turner, Tyler, Anna & I used to swear by the Ribeye's "Irish Nacho" goodness)

He originally built the sign in 1971 at the instigation of his wife, who found that the state was spending more money on welfare than on schools.

(See? That damned Eve made me do it)

In 1971, then-state Attorney General Slade Gorton filed a lawsuit against Hamilton for his billboard under the Scenic Vista Act.

(An interesting 1st Amendment case - you can read the lawsuit resolution in it's entirety here):
STATE v. HAMILTON 1979

Tom Bradshaw, pastor of Chehalis First Christian Church, gives us this Al Hamilton profile:

"He stood about 6-3 or 6-4, and weighed 200 pounds or so. He gave you the feeling he was the kind of man you wouldn't want to mess with."
(Amen, brother)

I also managed to hunt down a few select photos of Uncle Al's sayings. Most NW excursionists are familiar with the subject matter: an endless tirade against all things Liberal, Commie, Red, Pinko & Blue - and every hue in-between. Again, either making us giggle or stressing our over-caffienated AVM's (usually both).

Tyler and the other Evergreen State College Alumni reminded me of this Al Hamilton gold - Later used by Evergreen as an actual postcard sold in their gift-shop. I still think they should make a T-shirt of this one - I'd wear it:


Here's one that found Herr Hamilton at odds with the Bush admin. A tirade here against all those who oppose America-as-birth-right:


The close 2004 gubernatorial election between Gregoire/Rossi made us all pretty tense. Apparently, Al was so tense he skipped the ladder:


And of course the Iraq War would weigh heavily on the mind of a WWII draft-dodger - evoking this grevience against all us quagmire/civil-war protesters. We also see what might be our final view of Chehalis' favorite bristled curmudgeon.

(Unintentional comedy: I would stay seated and support the UW in Pullman's Martin stadium - let alone the gates of hell.)

From the various articles, several other Al-isms were recorded - all in caps of course. Tongue-depresser handy? Good, your going to need it:

"BOOTH GARDNER:
A MAN WHO THINKS TWICE BEFORE HE SAYS NOTHING."

"PACKWOOD RETIRES
AFTER TWENTY-SEX YEARS IN SENATE"

"GOVERNORS LIKE LOWRY DON'T GROW ON TREES.
THEY SWING FROM THEM."

"DOES LOCKE SUPPORT ALL DRUNK DRIVERS?"
(editor's note: WHAT?)

"AIDS TURNS FRUITS INTO VEGETABLES." (Yikes)

"THERE ARE NO BILLBOARDS IN RUSSIA, CUBA, OR COMMUNIST CHINA."

But with all the blathering bravado, Al's friend and turkey business partner George Duby gives us this all-important crux:

"Even though we disagreed on many things, I think it made our friendship stronger."

And quoting Ralph Waldo Emerson, Duby adds:

"It is always better to be a thorn in the side of your friend than an echo." (Don't I know!)

And fear not, road-side attractioneer: Al's death in 2004 - apparently of Alzheimers & Cancer - did not silence Uncle Sam. The Hamilton fam is stepping-in and accepting the curmudgeon torch. Testimonial: new anti-immigrant script up last weekend (all caps) for your drive-by viewing pleasure.

Here's the near-to-exact map-quest:
1360 Rush Rd. Chehalis, WA 98532-8728

If you can, please don't just pass it by. Pull over, take a photo, and then post it here - a living shrine to Washington's favorite free-speech rebel.

Afterwards, drop by the Ribeye for some Irish Nachos. Leave a tater-skin behind for Al.

"I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it."
~Voltaire

Bibliography:
Lawton, Mark. "'Uncle Sam' Billboard Owner Dies."
Chehalis Chronicle 10 Nov. 2004, local ed.