Conservative Information Black-Hole (Busted!)

Alternative title: "Why conservatives reside in terminal idiocy"

In a previous entry I decried conservative websites for dubious citation jobs. In particular I targeted Orbusmax - a local conservative news-service (of sorts):

"Because he's always using other right-wingnuts as sources, Orbusmax is a prime offender for being right-wing recycle-bin/ echo-chamber."

Here's a prime example. Orbusmax' bold headline right now reads:
"Report: Gulf States Prepared to Back US Military Strike on Iran"

Clicking on the link does not bring you to a credible source: For example, no report from Gulf State ambassador(s); no minutes from a Gulf State coalition meeting; no Gulf State leader(s) statements, letters, documents, etc. No, clicking on this only sends us to orbusmax' favorite go-to conservative weblog Little Green Footballs, who gives us this entry:
"Report: Gulf States Prepared to Back US Military Strike on Iran"

Information, sources, and citations become even more chimerical from here. Little Green Footballs gives us a segment of a "...paper, written by GRC program director, Dr. Christian Koch," but gives us no link to that paper. This segment also fails to present any actual credible Gulf State sources (listed above).

Again, there is still no link to this phantom "paper" or any report, but LGFootballs does give us this:

A new paper issued by an influential Dubai think tank suggests that Gulf states may be prepared to back a US military strike on Iran

This hyperlink sends us to - wait for it - yet another weblog. This Alice rabbit-hole is run by the ultra-conservative NY daily, The Daily Sun. And it get's better (or worse). The article posted on this blog is again titled:

"Report: Gulf States Prepared to back US Military Strikes on Iran"
(still waiting for the actual link to an actual report)

This weblog article - posted by online editor Daniel Freedman - seems to be the final resting place for this weblog circle-jerk. But like all the others, Freedman again makes reference to "...paper, written by GRC program director, Dr. Christian Koch," but again fails to provide any verifiable links to that paper. Freedman's article includes the same segment as LGFootballs. But again, no citation, no report, no link.

Freedman makes reference to a speech given by Bush's Under Seceretary of State Nicholas Burns to the GRC where Burns said:

"The Middle East isn't a region to be dominated by Iran. The Gulf isn't a body of water to be controlled by Iran. That's why we've seen the United States station two carrier battle groups in the region,"

But there is no reference here to any Gulf States backing this US move. Again, no credible sources - no report from Gulf State ambassador(s); no minutes for a Gulf State coalition meeting; no Gulf State leader(s) statements, letters, documents, etc - are given to verify this claim.

Taken together: A supposed online news-service cites a conservative blog that cites another conservative blog that cites NOTHING.

Unfortunatly, many people reading an alarmist & determinitive headline about Gulf States backing US military strikes on Iran will accept it at face-value. Many will show up to the water-cooler tomorrow with a "Guess what I heard?". Many others will lovingly send mass emails to friends/family with the headline, linking back our friend Orbusmax.

All this undoubtedly improves the advertising revenue for Orbusmax & his circle-jerk blog friends. But we live in country where the president is actively suppressing information and then actively declassifying only parts of documents that support his schemes.

In this context, the propegation of pseudo-information is a detriment to our democratic survival as a country, and the Soviet-caliber propagandists using this tactic should be cast into the same asheap of history.

Belated Passage: Alfred Hamilton 1920-2004

Last weekend's Portland road-trip tribulation presented a few new stories for the ages: A new nickname; A profane jager-induced rage at a Van Halen cover-band playing Haggar; A "No-athon"; Chasing Mariah around with a DLR residue-laced hand.

But one segment stuck-out in my mind from the return trip. I've made note of this road-side display on several previous I-5 trips, but like many items in my life, that note had been repeatedly filed deep into my ADD-adled archives. This time I kept thinking about it afterwards - clearly a lifetime of exposure to this I-5 landmark had pushed aside all other higher brain functions.


For I-5 travelling Warsh-ingtonians, the Uncle Sam billboard between Chehalis & Centralia has become both an unsightly attraction & the purest form of 1st Amendment use. I'm normally hit with a combo-punch of both descriptions - inducing a nervous chuckle.

Again, this exposure pushed me deep into thought about the who's, what's, & why's behind Chehalis' beloved/hated Uncle Sam. The initial searches for all things Uncle Sam were incredibly fruitless - "Washington" and "Uncle Sam" led google into empty pastures. But after several deep caches, I finally found a name and obituary:

Alfred Hamilton, 1920-2004:
He Put Conservative Views on Billboard

Photo: Hamilton and Billboard - 1972
(Note: Answers that spawn more questions - Who the hell is Bill Caruth?)

As you can see, Hamilton's death hit the AP and was quickly carried nationwide:
New York Times: "Highway's Message Board Now Without a Messenger"
San Fran Chronicle: "Washington State Loses a Unique Free-speech Icon"

And what a surprise! Our dear wingnuts at the Freerepublic also picked it up:
"Owner of I-5's 'Uncle Sam' Billboard Dies at 84"
(w/ 50+ fun posts of Freeper commentary)

The best resource as always is the one closest to ground zero. I went through the Chehalis Chronicle archives & found (and paid for) a total gem of an obituary. From this, I've been able to piece-together a biographical sketch of sorts for this free-speech anti-hero:

Born: March 31, 1920, in Chehalis to parents Frank and Edith Hamilton.

Attended the one-room Valley School and later studied at what is now Washington State University - never graduating.

From daughter Sherryl Zurek:
"If he graduated, he would have been drafted. He quit early so he could get a deferment, and he farmed instead of going into the service."
(Wow, a draft-dodger - and dodged WWII no less!)

Married Ruth Knoles in 1942.He raised sheep, then started raising turkeys, producing as many as 20,000 to 30,000 a year on the land just north of Midway Meats and west of Interstate 5. Hamilton became interested in real estate, building and leasing the Ribeye restaurant and McDonald's on the land left him by his father
(Turner, Tyler, Anna & I used to swear by the Ribeye's "Irish Nacho" goodness)

He originally built the sign in 1971 at the instigation of his wife, who found that the state was spending more money on welfare than on schools.
(See? That damned Eve made me do it)

In 1971, then-state Attorney General Slade Gorton filed a lawsuit against Hamilton for his billboard under the Scenic Vista Act.
(An interesting 1st Amendment case - you can read the lawsuit resolution in it's entirety here):
STATE v. HAMILTON 1979

Tom Bradshaw, pastor of Chehalis First Christian Church, gives us this Al Hamilton profile:
"He stood about 6-3 or 6-4, and weighed 200 pounds or so. He gave you the feeling he was the kind of man you wouldn't want to mess with."
(Amen, brother)

I also managed to hunt down a few select photos of Uncle Al's sayings. Most NW excursionists are familiar with the subject matter: an endless tirade against all things Liberal, Commie, Red, Pinko & Blue - and every hue in-between. Again, either making us giggle or stressing our over-caffienated AVM's (usually both).

Tyler and the other Evergreen State College Alumni reminded me of this Al Hamilton gold - Later used by Evergreen as an actual postcard sold in their gift-shop. I still think they should make a T-shirt of this one - I'd wear it:


Here's one that found Herr Hamilton at odds with the Bush admin. A tirade here against all those who oppose America-as-birth-right:


The close 2004 gubernatorial election between Gregoire/Rossi made us all pretty tense. Apparently, Al was so tense he skipped the ladder:


And of course the Iraq War would weigh heavily on the mind of a WWII draft-dodger - evoking this grevience against all us quagmire/civil-war protesters. We also see what might be our final view of Chehalis' favorite bristled curmudgeon.

(Unintentional comedy: I would stay seated and support the UW in Pullman's Martin stadium - let alone the gates of hell.)

From the various articles, several other Al-isms were recorded - all in caps of course. Tongue-depresser handy? Good, your going to need it:

"BOOTH GARDNER:
A MAN WHO THINKS TWICE BEFORE HE SAYS NOTHING."

"PACKWOOD RETIRES
AFTER TWENTY-SEX YEARS IN SENATE"

"GOVERNORS LIKE LOWRY DON'T GROW ON TREES.
THEY SWING FROM THEM."

"DOES LOCKE SUPPORT ALL DRUNK DRIVERS?"
(editor's note: WHAT?)

"AIDS TURNS FRUITS INTO VEGETABLES." (Yikes)

"THERE ARE NO BILLBOARDS IN RUSSIA, CUBA, OR COMMUNIST CHINA."

But with all the blathering bravado, Al's friend and turkey business partner George Duby gives us this all-important crux:

"Even though we disagreed on many things, I think it made our friendship stronger."

And quoting Ralph Waldo Emerson, Duby adds:

"It is always better to be a thorn in the side of your friend than an echo." (Don't I know!)

And fear not, road-side attractioneer: Al's death in 2004 - apparently of Alzheimers & Cancer - did not silence Uncle Sam. The Hamilton fam is stepping-in and accepting the curmudgeon torch. Testimonial: new anti-immigrant script up last weekend (all caps) for your drive-by viewing pleasure.

Here's the near-to-exact map-quest:
1360 Rush Rd. Chehalis, WA 98532-8728

If you can, please don't just pass it by. Pull over, take a photo, and then post it here - a living shrine to Washington's favorite free-speech rebel.

Afterwards, drop by the Ribeye for some Irish Nachos. Leave a tater-skin behind for Al.

"I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it."
~Voltaire

Bibliography:
Lawton, Mark. "'Uncle Sam' Billboard Owner Dies."
Chehalis Chronicle 10 Nov. 2004, local ed.

Nate's Picks for 2006

I don't do requests, but I made an acception for one Bella Dulcet - our AZ blue-hearted sister (how does she do it?).

The Request: Nate's favorite & most-read political websites.

I gave-up the usual suspects:

Media Matters
Known for catching Rightwingnuts in the media on video with their pants down. Founded by David Brock - ex-GOP hitman. Herr Falafeloofa hates them - nuff said.

Blatherwatch
A locally run muckraker - similar to Media Matters. Anytime a spider farts in NW radioland, Founder/Host Michael Hood hears it. Great for unmasking the soviet-esque secrecy of corporate radio. Styblehead hates them - nuff said .

...But then she stopped me:

"No Nate, I mean the conservative wacko sites"

"SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
I said, with Sesame Street drug-dealer enthusiasm.

I look around each shoulder and then yank her into a back alley,
opening my trench coat (salacious, no?)

"conservative wacko sites?", she whispers.
"Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight"

See, much like Lefty the Salesman trying to sell Ernie a "Q" for a nickel, my growing collection of wack-job conservative websites is a dark art - a secret rite, if you will. I could tell you, but the knowledge alone just might kill you...

...But what the hell, it's the fucking holidays, right? I wanna see some death!
Without further ado:

Nate's favorite Right-wing resources:
Moving from the surface towards the earth's core...

Drudgereport.com
An "Enquirer for wingnuts" of sorts (Actually, I'm pretty sure the Enquirer is more accurate). Quite a suck-sess story: Founder Matt Drudge was a Deli manager in DC, and had an ear for gossip. Running an email news service from his CPU, he was the first to uncover, break, and run-with the Lewinsky scandal. Pretty much the Godfather of modern pajama-journalism - left or right.

Unfortunatly, Drudge's scoop on Lewinsky was one of his last & only Bulls-eyes. For the most part, he now relies on shotgun/grenade journalism - printing anything anyone spits his way (against liberals/progressives), and every once in a while, he'll be right. Other than that, you'll also find celeb scandals 'o plenty here.

Note: Drudge loves to delete his archives when he's proven wrong/libelous.

Orbusmax.com
A local drudgereport with less celeb scandal poop. Orbus takes most of his national headlines (right column) from WorldNetDaily,(see below) Newsmax, & MichelleMalkin. Because he's always using other right-wing-nuts as sources, Orbusmax is one of the worst offenders for right-wing recycle bin-echo chambers. Ironically, many SeaWA talk-show hosts take there talking-points straight from Orbusmax.
(listen to KIRO's Frank Shiers while reading Orbusmax.)

OH! and Orbusmax is famous for using this headline Mad Lib tactic:
____________________________________________UNHINGED!
(anytime a progressive decides to speak their mind)

Before I die, I want Orbusmax to say "Merciful Nate - UNHINGED". Which brings us to...

WorldNetDaily.com
I find it endlessly amusing that Orbusmax picks through haystacks for unhinged liberal pins, when EVERY door in WorldNetDaily has been ripped out & stored back in Uncle Cletus' shed. Fundy Ayatollahs UNHINGED. Actually, WND is a very useful and inspiring site - great for many of my favorite blog-games:

* Compare/contrast WorldNetDaily headline with TheOnion or LandoverBaptist headline. One's an Ayatollah Fundy site. Two are parodies. Spot the difference.

* Right Wing Cannibalism: WorldNetDaily is so far right, sometimes they fall off the edge and try to pull the rest into the pool with em. Great for finding posts on Bush/Immigration back-biting, GOP sex scandals, & even Fundy vs. Fundy!

OH! And where the hell else are you gonna read Chuck-fucking-Norris' latest collumn? Huh? HUH? Yeah, thats what I fuckin thought.

Note: the following advert GIF is currently up and flashing on WorldNetDaily:

(yipes)

And now folks - The very deepest of pits (Thats right, WorldNetDaily was only a Sub-basement), I give you:

FreeRepublic.com
Don't let their low-tech advert-lite environment fool you! FreeRepublic is the largest online posting arena for fun-loving, Red-state, Bush-lovin, Sheep-minded, Fundy Ayatollahs (nicknamed "Freepers"). Picture in your mind Tim Eyman & Pat Robertson. Now mix together & arm heavily. Now multiply several thousand times. Yeah, yikes.

Even better than WorldNetDaily for blog-games. My favorite?

* Song of the Freepers: Pluck a story from the news that you know wingnuts will hate, then plunk it into FP's search engine up top. A larger collection of unhinged wing-nuts you will never find. Harborzoo Med Center on a Friday night has nothing on this. Seriously, this could be the greatest political blog generator ever.

* Tears of the Freepers: When the Dems started to sweep congress this year, my first thought was: "Hmmmm, I wonder what the Freepers are doing". The link above gives you the greatest sequence of internet posts ever: From excited, to anxious, to pissed, to threatening(!), to crying in their oats. For progressive inner-schadenfreude vampires everywhere. Feast on their tears!

And even better: Every single unhinged wingnut comes complete with their very-own myspace-esque profile. Here's just a sample "Kronos77"

Warning: Before contacting and/or playing happy-joy-joy myspace-friends with freepers, remember that most of them are more than likely impotent-positive (m), libido-negative (f), and well-armed (both)

So there you go, Bella Dulcet et al - Nate's picks for 2006.

"It'll cost ya just a Nickel"

"A NICKEL!!"

"SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

whispers: "A Nickel"

"RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT"

Blatherwatch, Part III

Better than Godfather III, I promise:

Styblehead's Last Stand

An obscure radio reference here. A late night ex KIRO host named Bryan Styble managed to secure a "one night only" spot last night/morning to cover the snowstorm. Night of horrors.

Long story short: You were all lucky to be sleeping that night. I suffered through KIRO's late-night blasphemies on your behalf.

Note: At one point, Styble barfed the following:

"I think Van Halen was a much better band with Sammy Haggar than with David Lee Roth"

Yeah, it was pretty bad.

Blatherwatch, Part II

"Glenn Beck Mad Libs"

For those of you who don't know, Glenn Beck hosts a terrible show on Headline News (!!!). Beck is also an Everett native - not that there's anything wrong with that. hahahahah

Enjoy

Senator Santorum (R-PA) compares America to "The Land of Sorrow"

Senator Rick Santorum (R-PA), decided to exhibit a fine case of hoof/mouth disease:

"As the hobbits are going up Mount Doom, the Eye of Mordor is being drawn somewhere else," Santorum said, describing the tool the evil Lord Sauron used in search of the magical ring that would consolidate his power over Middle-earth.

"It's being drawn to Iraq and it's not being drawn to the U.S." Santorum continued. "You know what? I want to keep it on Iraq. I don't want the Eye to come back here to the United States"

For proper analysis of Santorum's hoof/mouth, it's obvious that several things must be promptly shunted off the table.

First off, Time and Space go bye-bye due to the fact that Bush's Real Iraq Adventure-turned-quagmire started in 2003, whereas Tolkien wrote his Fantasy books in 1954,

Secondly, we also have to say adios to JRR Tolkien's thoughts on his own work:
"As for any inner meaning or 'message', it has in the intention of the author none. It is neither allegorical nor topical."
~JRR Tolkien, Forward, Lord of the Rings

But okay, Santorum has decided to live in his own fantasyland. You know, the same fantasyland that argues "Staying the course" will lead to "victory", without defining either "the course" or "victory". For the sake of Illuvatar-knows-what, let's just set aside time/space and Tolkien's post-humous "fuck you", and endulge Herr Santorum with his analogy.

The first part seems pretty straight forward:

The Army at the gates of Mordor as a distraction for the Eye of Sauron
-is to-
US military in Iraq as a distraction to "terrorism"

Seems fairly straight forward. But distracting The Eye of Sauron (terrorism) from what? As you can see, from this point on Santorum's comparison falls apart exponentially... or maybe not? Taking the comparison to it's proper fruition:

The Eye of Sauron (Terrorism) is being distracted by the army marching toward at The Black Gate (Iraq). Because of this distraction, the Eye of Sauron (Terrorism) is focused away from MORDOR (America) .
DOH!!! (or hmmmmmmmm....).

Perhaps we should just set-aside Time/Space or Tolkien's grave-rolling and post-humous fuck you's & just take Santorum at his word. C'mon ABCNews, grow some minerals and run with this headline:

"Senator Santorum Compares America to Mordor"
(ie, The Black Land/Land of Sorrow)

Alright don't then, you cowards - but I will.

Note: A few other blogerrific individuals have been hard at work mining this story...
Blogger Allyn properly connects Santorum's logic - noting the the army in LOTR was being sent on a complete suicide mission. Santorum forgets of course that the US(Mordor) owns no magic rings.(???)
On a lighter note, photo funster Kvatch has fun with Santorum (ie, The Mouth of Sauron).

Note 2: For shits-n-giggles, do a google search of "Santorum" and hit "I'm feeling lucky". You google-bombing pranksters/geniuses, you!

Warrantless Wire-tap Decision (with Freeper Commentary)

The inevitable happened:

"U.S. judge orders halt to NSA wiretap program"

Wow. Hands-up: who's suprised? Checks and Balances. Fourth Amendment. Constitution of the United States. I find it sad that a Presidential program can be easily overturned by high school civics material.

I can just see Bush being confronted by the Mystery Machine gang, cursing & shaking his fist:
"And I would've gotten away with it if it wasn't for that meddling US Constitution!"

Haven't yet read Judge Diggs complete decision (PDF), but I will tonight. I strongly encourage all of you - political leanings aside - to turn off the blathering cable news and do the same. You'll learn something. I promise.

Until then, here's just a choice segment from the ruling:

"Our constitution was drafted by founders and ratified by a people who still held in vivid memory the image of King George III and his General Warrants. There are no hereditary Kings in America and no powers not created by the Constitution."

The words just dance on the page, don't they?

That's really all I got for the time being. We turn now to our fearless crew of Nate News Corp. contributors, represented tonight by Free Republic.

Background: Free Republic is the largest online posting arena for fun-loving, Red-state, Bush-BJ-ing, Sheep-minded, Fundy Ayatollahs (nicknamed "Freepers"). Picture in your mind Tim Eyman & Pat Robertson. Now mix together. Now multiply several thousand times. Yeah, yikes.

So without further ado, I give you "Song of the Freepers":

Yoo Hoo .. more on our terrorists hugging judge

4 posted on 08/17/2006 7:46:45 PM PDT by Mo1

she should be thrown out on fat butt

7 posted on 08/17/2006 7:48:36 PM PDT by Mo1

She might as well be a terrorist herself.

10 posted on 08/17/2006 7:50:15 PM PDT by onyx

Nate's personal fave - if only because I love the name "feckless crapweasel":

She is definitely todays liberal, stupid feckless crapweasel award winner. the winner gets an all expenses paid trip to Lebanon or Teheran to visit old pals. She is such a kiss ass pawn. Thanks Jimma'

12 posted on 08/17/2006 7:51:50 PM PDT by shankbear

("Jimma" a reference of course to President Carter - file under "Blame Clinton/Carter for everything")

She is a terrorist. In her ruling she said that it's ok for scholars and journalist to communicate with the enemies. This now opens the doors for anyone one with internal knowledge of secrets to leave their classified jobs then claim to be a scholar or journalist and relay secret info to the terrorist unimpeded.
17 posted on 08/17/2006 7:57:01 PM PDT by tobyhill

A truly heart-warming post from "clintonh8r":

Another RAT affirmative action appointment.....

23 posted on 08/17/2006 8:00:02 PM PDT by clintonh8r

I am not surprised. Just disgusted and outraged. All it takes is one renegade federal judge. I knew this one was a Carter or Clinton appointee.

25 posted on 08/17/2006 8:01:41 PM PDT by onyx

For the sake of America someone needs to overrule her and then promptly charge her with treason.
28 posted on 08/17/2006 8:04:45 PM PDT by tobyhill

Love this post. Remember what I said earlier about the US Constitution, 4th Amendment, and High School civics? Okay, now read this:

To me, it appears that this "decision" is little more than vomit from a partisan, Bush-hating 'RAT. More than likely, this bimbo handed down this "decision" in an effort to help out her DNC massas' "impeachment" proceedings. Now is the time for the Executive Branch to tell the "Judicial Branch, BITE ME! The Constitution does not authorize the robed gods to fight wars. It is not their job.
29 posted on 08/17/2006 8:05:26 PM PDT by FlingWingFlyer

(Somebody help me on this one - looking for the words "Bite Me" under Checks and Balances)

And just a lovely little morsel from SeaBiscuit here *tear*:

Carter and Clinton, like AIDS, the gift that keeps on giving.
30 posted on 08/17/2006 8:05:36 PM PDT by SeaBiscuit

She's a TRAITOR.
35 posted on 08/17/2006 8:08:57 PM PDT by nopardons

BTW, the ACLU judged shopped, until they found this sedition piece of garbage.
41 posted on 08/17/2006 8:13:12 PM PDT by nopardons

She's a nitwit; but a DANGEROUS nitwit.

46 posted on 08/17/2006 8:20:09 PM PDT by nopardons

If the Republicans had balls, they'd impeach and remove this clown from the bench.
2 posted on 08/17/2006 8:08:10 PM PDT by peyton randolph

Just another terrorista.
4 posted on 08/17/2006 2:51:22 PM PDT by evad

Membership in any Muslim groups?
17 posted on 08/17/2006 2:59:09 PM PDT by thoughtomator

The human excrement at the ACLU went there because they knew old mothballs was a good LIB.
22 posted on 08/17/2006 3:02:43 PM PDT by new yorker 77

If Clintoon can claim to be the first "black president", then this traitor-judge can claim to be black as well...
25 posted on 08/17/2006 3:08:17 PM PDT by TheBattman

No doubt another affirmative action appointment in the interest of multicultural diversity...
26 posted on 08/17/2006 3:08:58 PM PDT by Czar

This pig has been working for the Gubbermint nearly all her working life. Another clueless jerk bureaucrat. She also tried to subvert an affirmative action case
29 posted on 08/17/2006 3:15:29 PM PDT by dennisw

Some of the more intrepid Freepers managed to dig up Judge Diggs' verdict record - as well anyone should, could, and would, to further increase government transparancy. Ironically however, Freepers do this in order to decrease government transparancy, and increase the power of their 1984 super-secret Soviet dream-state.

Looks as though she has never had a job and has lived off of the taxpayer for all her years. A shame that she would try and give the country to the terrorist by allowing them to communicate without fear of being found out. But then she is a Democrat and Democrats are anti-American pro terrorist scum.
33 posted on 08/17/2006 3:40:29 PM PDT YOUGOTIT

Because the ACLU shopped around to get one of their supporters as the judge in this case. The ACLU and other anti-American fascist organizations always pick the judge that will rule in their favor.
34 posted on 08/17/2006 3:42:56 PM PDT YOUGOTIT

(Note: Freepers generally wouldnt know a fascist if Mussolini sieg heiled em through the eye-socket)

a judge in Michigan

Home of the largest Arab/Muslim community in the US.
36 posted on 08/17/2006 3:49:54 PM PDT by Optimist

...and so on, and so forth.

So you can see where I spend a few hours every mornin'. I should add that you too can view any these threads here & here, and contact any of the posters (Awwwwww, they even have their own wing-nut profiles).
Warning: Most Freepers are likely impotent-positive (m), libido-negative (f), and well-armed (both).

Note: The opinions expressed here in no way represent the voices of the overall conservative fundy community - only a window into their mouth-breathing minds.

Conservative Cannibalism

See, this is why it's good to check the right-wing weblogs/news services. More times than you think, they will let out one of their "sweet secrets".

This time, a feud between two RELIGIOUS conservatives (& you were worried they were unified): From World Net Daily, Hal Lindsey - nutcase apocalypse predictor, has parted ways with TBN - home to crazy make-up smearing crybabies, swindlers, "Left Behind - the Movie", and other soon-to-be cult classics.

"Best-selling author says Christian network tried to muzzle his views on radical Islam"

From John Casoria, TBN's general counsel:

"TBN is a worldwide ministry; we have an entire channel that airs 24 hours a day, seven days a week in Arabic," he said. "We are trying to reach the Islamic world and open a dialogue with them regarding Christ and Christianity."

Let the back-biting begin! Be sure to encourage these miscreants to continue feasting on their brethrens' flesh. Better theirs than ours!

Note: World Net Daily declares: "Hal Lindsey, considered the best-selling non-fiction writer alive today"... uh, insert joke here.

Note 2: 1st place award for "Worlds Biggest Woodchuck" goes to - Hal Lindsey


2nd place award goes to WND founder Joseph Farah


The Bronze goes to my dad (no photo avail, but those who know him - testify!)

The Beast Barfs! (again)

"Robertson Suggests (Sharon) Stroke Is Divine Rebuke"
I think finally the main stream media understands what I've known since I was a small child. Every morning in the Late-70s and Early-80s at around 7am, you could set your sun-dial on my TV viewing habit: Starblazers. Unfortunately, sometimes I would arrive at the glowing orb too soon, catching the tail-end of Pat Robertson's 700 club.

BUT, through years of unintentional exposure to this, I learned some important lessons:
A.) As you can see by the photo above, when Pat prays he also looks like he's 'grinding one off'
B.) More importantly, the 700 club begins with several news segments - each coverring "important news stories" (read: important to fundy nutters), & each immediately followed by several moments of sans que-cards, unscripted, raw Pat. Sit down, listen carefully, write everything down that you can, & be entertained.

And now it looks like the news giants are finally paying attention (& getting paid plenty). Now it doesnt happen everyday, but with a careful study of events - not unlike my Halloween & Christmas /Tea-leaves & entrails news searches - one can safely predict the unscripted, 8.9 richter-scale, Pat-gasm.

It's fairly simple. News about Israel? Listen to Pat the following day. News involving gay marriage? Again, Pat. News about a major national disaster? Lets go live to NateTV news analyst, Pat. News about a natural disaster that followed a gay marriage in Israel? You know who's gonna toss some off-the-cuff cookies, and then give a long poo-faced prayer.

Along with TBN's long list of unintended cult classic movies (go see "Left Behind" & "Megiddo - Omega Code 2" ASAFP), "The Best of Pat Gone Wild!" must be promptly released on DVD. There's gold in them there hills. .

O'Reilly/Fox News in context

When writing about O'Reilly's exploits, I was also thinking about his tendency to twist information - and then claim to be the "No Spin Zone" (my ass). This got me thinking about how this "happens":

O'Reilly has always relied on what I call "Information Entropy". This theory basically shows that information itself - even strongly researched information - has a strong tendency to exponentially break-down over time, and comes close to being forgotten (though not completely). This is linked to the dillema that media stories (true & untrue) dissolve and are forgotten after a month. This is also linked to the American TV viewing audience having the attention span of a fucking tit-mouse.

When I look at media news sources, I often give huge bonus points for those sources that put events in historical context; Reminding us about the origins of events, and that these events dont happen in a vacuum. The New York Times - with all its faults - is simply the best at taking an event and following it back chronologically. NPR - despite claims of bias - is also good at this.

Fox News is always consistantly the worst. I really dont care where they stand ideologically - I would be pissed no matter where they stood. Fox News is constantly flashing events across the screen as if they were completely novel occurances that seemed to happen only because God wished them into being. No context. No background. No sources. Just BANG!: "Terrorist Attack", "<<Alert level: Orange>>", "Ten Commandments removed - commentary by Jerry Falwell", "Janet Jackson's titty - played in a loop all this week". This leads (and owes its growth to) this simpleton garbage redneck logic: Why do they hate us? Because we are free; Why do they fight us? Because they are evil. Why does Fox News do this? Because we bend over for it!

O'Reilly not only abuses this, but outright uses the viewing public's ADD to his advantage. Often O'Reilly will literally Re-write history: Claiming he is an independent, being confronted with information that he is a registered Republican, Screaming "character assassination", and then claiming that he never said he was an independent in the first place! THEN he lets the story die (& the information dissolve) and claims AGAIN later to be an independent!

Moral to this story: Remember that they can only re-write history if we are complacent enough to let them do so. So pay attention people! Dont bend over to pick up the soap! Keep your eye on the ball, and watch for the double-reverse!

PS, does it seem odd to you that the terrorism alert level, since its inception, has never dipped below "Elevated: significant risk of terrorist attacks"? We have not yet been at "Guarded" or "Low"... is this for real? Or is just to cover the gov's ass if one happens, and keep us scared shitless in the meantime.

Swaggart urges breaking of 2 commandments!

Actually, he may also have broken the "fire in a crowded theatre" clause from 1st amendment (attn: FBI):

"I'm trying to find the correct name for it ... this utter absolute, asinine,
idiotic stupidity of men marrying men. ... I've never seen a man in my life I
wanted to marry. And I'm gonna be blunt and plain; if one ever looks at me like that, I'm gonna kill him and tell God
he died."

Video of this threat from JSM here - forward to 36:30

So the FCC will go after Howard Stern for making doody jokes, but will not go after Jimmy Swaggart for making an open threat against gay people.

Notice the rousing affirmation from his Nuremburg... I mean, New Orleans congregation. The FBI would be wise to profile this audience with future attacks on homosexuals.

Spot the difference

Found a few good religious websites (psuedo and otherwise):

"The Child Care action Project"
http://www.capalert.com/capreports/

This page is great. It takes a "chapter and verse" "biblical view"on the Box office. A score of 100 gives a film a "perfect G" rating (Mary Poppins claims this honor)... A score of 0 condemns a movie to hell.... lol

What I love doing with this page is taking a gander on "absolute 0". Basically, think-up a movie that is full of Violence, Sex, Nudity, and Foul language... then see how they rate it. See how close you can get to 0. OR, see if you can actually blow-up the machine!! wooo-hooo! (movies which cause this reviewer to walk-out). I wont give away my absolute 0 winners - you'll have to just try yourself

"Landover Baptist"
http://www.landoverbaptist.org/

Next to the Onion.com, this is my second favorite parody site. Includes commentary by the infamous Betty Bowers: "God told me to hate you". Nuff said - just give it a surf, you'll love it.

All hail Ali G!

James Broadwater - arch-conservative christian - was "ambushed" by Mr. Sacha Baron Cohen, AKA Ali G (AKA GENIUS). Apparently Mr. Broadwater agreed to do the HBO interview under the aspices that it was with a reporter from Kazakhstan (desiring to obtain a US political perspective).

This exchange says it all. What a riot:

Borat: I want to go to this place heaven. Which religion must I choose to go there?
Broadwater: The Christian Bible says that Jesus Christ is the only way to heaven.
Borat: If people choose the Jews, will they go heaven or hell?
Broadwater: Well, I would have to say that they would go to hell.
http://www.lnreview.co.uk/media/journal/002651.php

Net result? Say buh-bye to your "Friend of Israel" status - and bu-bye to your campaign (lost in the primary, thank GOD).

But it gets better. Broadwater's disclaimer response didn't really soften his view, nor improve his "Friend of Israel" rating :

"...everyone who rejects Him will spend eternity in Hell, because he has rejected the Only Begotten Son of God"
http://www.jamesbroadwater.com/HBO.html

He then adds:

"The Bible says, "Silence the mocker and strife will cease," and this stunt pulled by HBO is just one more reason why I believe that the liberal, anti-God media needs to be brought under the strict control of the FCC, and that as soon as possible."

Great. I'm so glad our boys are fighting the Taliban in Afghanistan to protect the Taliban at home.

Boyashaka! RESPEC!

I'm so upset

"Panel Dismisses 'Fahrenheit 9/11' Complaint"
http://www.reuters.com/newsArticle.jhtml?type=topNews&storyID=5890742

For those of you not following along at home, a conservative advocacy group petitioned the FEC (Federal Election Commission) to ban advertisments for Fahrenheit 9-11 60 days before an election. Well, the FEC has now passed-down its decision: "no evidence that the movie's ads had broken the law"

I think Seinfeld said it best: "Thats a shame"

Just a side-note and background commentary from yours truly. On March 27, 2002, Dubya signed the McCain/Feingold campaign finance reform bill. Conservative groups (and libertarian groups, I might add) opposed this legislation on the basis that if violated Freedom of Speech.

Now I wouldnt go that far, but I did see some major flaws in this legislation and was opposed to it. Yes, Nate Gerards hereby affirms that he sided with some conservatives (gasp!). But hear me out.

I knew Three things:

A.) Liberal Democrats, Leftists, Progressives, and even Greens routinely make money (gasp!), and routinely donate portions of said money to non-candidate political campaigns that would be restricted under this new legislation. Dont believe me? Look at The Sierra Club, Amnesty International, Human Rights watch, NARAL, NOW, and the ACLU. Sure, these are "issue-advocacy groups" but lets not kid ourselves - they're not about to run ads favorable to Bush & Co. (and GOD BLESS 'em for that!). This year, we'll see groups like moveon.org, The Media Fund, Joint Victory 2004, and America Coming Togethertaking-in upwards of 80 million smackos!

B.) Liberal Democrats, Leftists, Progressives, and most Greens are notorious for disagreeing about the color of the sky. We agree on more things then we disagree, but we put so much emphasis on our disagreements that we allow the opposition to splinter us. But we all have one thing in common: When we individually feel strongly about an issue, we donate money to that cause. And indirectly, this money does alter and affect the political process. McCain/Feingold would have a negative affect on our collective power.

C.) More often than not, this is not a multimillion dollar "big corporation" thing. This is usually me donating 10 bucks to moveon.org, times millions of others doing the same thing! Thats called GRASS ROOTS

Actually, "The Pendulum" was so named because of just such a dilemma. I am a firm believer the Law of Unintended Consequences AKA "The road to hell is paved with good intentions". Liberals and Conservatives alike often pass legislation that sounds good & thinking they will benefit or that it will negatively affect the other party. Net result? More often than not, "The Pendulum swings both ways", and we get screwed.

Patriot Act - Perfect example. Do you honestly think that Conservatives would trust the Patriot Act in the hands of John Kerry? Answer: about as much as we trust it in the hands of John "Women's private medical records in the hands of a Pro-life Pentacostal nut-case" Ashcroft.

So dont fear the Benjamins, fellow Progressives. Make your money, love your advocacy, spend your money on your favorite advocacy.

Open challenge:

Attention all white wing weactionaries ("uhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh"):

The GOP has decided to run a story attacking Michael Moore (you know, if you dont like the message, attack the messenger)... Heres a link to the "article" from the RNC homepage:

http://gop.com/RNCResearch/Read.aspx?ID=4466

(Interesting that the word "research" was used in this link... did these people graduate from Fircrest? )

So apparently these quote trawlers found this (attributed to Michael Moore) from the "Daily Mirror", the British tabloid equivelant of the NY Daily News:

"They (Americans) are possibly the dumbest people on the planet… in thrall to conniving, thieving, smug p#%$ks.' 'We Americans suffer from an enforced ignorance.' 'We don't know about anything that's happening outside our country. Our stupidity is embarrassing"

First problem - and a big red-flag: In this quote alone, there are several quote breaks and "..." which lead me to believe that parts are missing. I for one wanted to see the whole, complete, unabridged interview (if there even was one)... you know, something about my compulsion to find PRIMARY SOURCE MATERIAL. I guess I shouldnt get too hopeful that these bottom-feeders would be double-checking their sources, but oh well.

Second problem, having taken this "Moore quote" and turned it through a million searches, I came up with a million sites ALL citing this article in the Daily Mirror - BUT NOWHERE ELSE. Furthermore, I cannot for the life of me find this Daily Mirror revelation in any other Newspaper: NY Times - nope, Washington Post - nope, Washington Times - bubkus, London Times - zippo...

So we have here a quote attributed to Michael Moore, but:

• From only one source - a tabloid
• Missing chunks, and without an unabridged transcript with which to compare
• Never repeated or used in any other paper, magazine, journal, etc - except of course, the RNC

Now I wasnt exactly expecting scholarly excellence from these RNC mouth breathers, but as a consumer and a college graduate, I expect several verifiable, non-tabloid, primary sources before I fully consume, deep-throat, and swallow any claim.

Here is your challenge Mr. White Wing Weactionary: Find me (at least) two more primary sources for this Michael Moore quote.

These sources must contain:

1. A full, unedited and unabridged transcript of interview including verbatum questions
2. Date of Interview, and interviewer
3. Some indication from the interviewer that lends legitimacy to the finished product (you know, like a replicant transcript on michaelmoore.com)

(by the way, these criteria came directly from a Professor's intructions for a UW research paper)

So show me the money.
But until then, the RNC can kiss my college educated ASS