Note: Meet the Stress, inc. has been on Black Sabbatical for the past few weeks. The following is from the not-so-deep archives of my email. Chronologically, it takes place after Styblehead's so-called resurrection, but before his recent "Black History Month" racist tirade:
When KIRO brought back Bryan Styble (known to all his faithful fans as "Styblehead") to host a few inclement weather broadcasts, KIRO listeners from all over instantly felt their ears bleed - a common Pavlovian response to the name Styble. After my bleeding ceased, I promptly jumped on the opportunity to besmirch Styble's well-known lily-white honor - fulfilling my solemn oath as Cthulu's character assassin.
After several cranky Styble broadcasts about how he was never fired by KIRO - only "rescheduled", I decided to kick it up a notch (BAM!) and write my buddy Bryan the following fence-mending email:
Welcome back Bryan,
Looking forward to another night of thrills spills and doctor bills.
Can you please respond to the following claim: Back in October when your show was "cancelled", you claimed that your show had been simply "rescheduled".
Here is the dictionary definition:
Reschedule: assign a new time and place for an event;
("time" being the operative word here)
The only way that your show fits the "rescheduled' (rather than "cancelled") definition is if Tom Clandening and KIRO were able to predict the weather 2 months in advance. Thus being able to reschedule your show for the exact time/date of the next snow/wind storm.
Please clear this up, as it seems to you've been lying to your 0.08 rated audience.
Have a good show, and good luck with everything Styblehead Boast-to-Boast.
Love, Mercifurious
To which I quickly received the following horrifically obscene response:
YOU are the definition of coward and asshole!
This was shocking to me - and must also be for the other 10 listeners involved in the ongoing persistent ocular blood-loss class-action against Styble. Shocking because Styble has always strictly and annoyingly adhered to a "scatological free" broadcast. Nary a crap makes it over the airwaves at KIRO during Styble's mic time. Always ironic too because of Styblehead's adherence to giving the CRAPPIEST broadcast ever.
SO, what else could I do? As designated class-action lawsuit foreman (and out of my afore-mentioned blood-oath to Cthulu), I had to reply back to Bryan:
Dear Bryan,
Awwwww... your sweet words are like honey in my ear. If only you could be this entertaining ON the air. Funny how you get so incensed about everyone using the word "Crap", but then you send me a completely profane ad hominem attack.
Oh, and I heard your request this morning about the listening audience calling "Stephanie" at KIRO 
(206) 726-6902 (ie, the number you gave out on the air). Will do. And thankyou for the Styble heads-up (pun intended)
Sincerely,
~N
PS, Ad Hominems aside - care to comment on your definition for "reschedule"?
The email exchange(s) following this reply could be the strangest (& most amusing) that I have ever had with anyone - including trolls I've met on 3rd Ave. For the purpose of creating an unbiased unspoiled impression, I will paste the remainder of the Bryan Styble email exchanges without further opining, editing, or blathering. Yes, Cthulu will just have to sit in his jar for a while.
Warning: the following Styble emails are long, didactic, and possibly crappier than his broacasts. Read at your own risk:
December 18, 2006
Mr. or Ms. "Industrialist4life"
Somewhere in anonymous cyberspace, USA
Dear Sir or Madam (whoever you are):
I have absolutely no idea who wrote to you that "coward and
*******! " text quoted below, but it was NOT me. I repeat, I did not write that
to you, or to anyone else, either recently, or at anytime in the past.
Those were not my words, nor will they ever be.
Obviously, someone else was impersonating me, although I don't
know cyber techniques nearly well enough to know how someone can do that
convincingly. But someone obviously has.
That's because I have never in my life typed that word, in
e-mail or on a typewriter. That word is not in my lexicon. WhoEVER wrote that
scatological nastiness to you, it was not Bryan Styble. It was someone
pretending to be Bryan Styble.
Perhaps is was the same person (or persons, perhaps; I have no
idea if there is just one or many such various individuals) who have been
spuriously posting in my name on the Internet on that mean-spirited website known
as "BlatherWatch".
Whereas I DID (back in the Summer of 2005) make a couple of
postings on BlatherWatch, (each clearly posted UNDER MY OWN NAME, signing each
of them "BRYAN STYBLE/Seattle"), I have not since then posted ANYTHING on
BlatherWatch, under my name or under ANY other anonymous name.
In fact, I have no idea how I would GO ABOUT POSTING
ANONYMOUSLY, were I inclined to do that, which I am not. I have NEVER posted
ANYTHING in ANY sector of the Internet anonymously; I find the habit virtually
everyone (but me) has of doing that sort of thing downright STALINIST. Every
posting I originate is signed by me, along with the city from which I've
posted.
In fact, you've been most scurrilous towards me and my
broadcasts, "Nate" (if indeed you are the "Nate" who has campaigned repeatedly
against me on the Internet, as I suspect you are, but don't know), so much so
that I wouldn't be surprised if you, Mr. "Nate" aka "Multifurious", phonied up
that supposed e-mail under my name YOURself in an effort to discredit me, or
perhaps merely get me just as annoyed as you've tried on the air to do
at least once.
But assuming you're sincere in having received that spurious
e-mail, I again reiterate that I didn't write it, and never WOULD write
such a nasty set of text...even to someone who has been as nasty to me on
the air and in cyberspace as this "Nate" fellow has been to me in the past.
As for the "rescheduling" business, I was merely restating what
had been stated to me. If you choose not to believe that, feel free to be
cynical. In fact, feel free to call me naive, but I didn't lie about
that much less imagine having heard that, any more than I typed that ugly
sentence falsely attributed to me.
Sincerely,
BRYAN STYBLE/Seattle
Reply from your's truly :
Bryan,
Unfortunately for you, the email with the "scatological nastiness" originated from YOUR email address, and none-other:
radioactiveseattle@hotmail.com
The exact same address that I sent the original email to. The exact same address that you sent the last email from. You can scroll down and see for yourself. I also have the exact email record in my inbox.
Nonetheless, I'll include your latest antithesis in my upcoming blog - to be fair. I'm sure your defense against using bad language will be as compelling as Mike Webb's upstanding insurance records.
Have a great show tonight. And we'll see you again when KIRO "reschedules" you 2 months in advance for the next storm.
~Nate in Seattle
AKA Mercifurious
PS, Alternative Ockham's Razor theory: Perhaps you have an angry, profane and uncontrollable alter-ego that sent that email.
Styble fires back with a truly vivid history of our long-standing radioactive affair:
December 20, 2006
Dear Mr. "Nate" (or whatever alias you're using today):
What "fight" are you talking about?!? I happen to RESPECT and (as much
as I know him, which isn't much) personally LIKE Mr. Goldstein. I have no
idea what he thinks of me, but I was happy to have him share that hour with
me.
But while I don't know what he thinks of me, I know what you
(evidently) think of me. Which is fine--you're entitled to detest my broadcast work, but why
that equates to character assassination on your part I've no idea.
Hold me in whatever contempt you wish, but that doesn't entitle you to
misquote me from my broadcasts (which you've REPEATEDLY done; for
instance, I never beseeched my audience to call Stephanie--that was in direct
response to a caller who wanted a specific name to contact). But you shall
continue to misquote me in an effort to embarrassment professional anyway, I'm
sure, based on your determined efforts thus far.
Your inexplicable campaign against me also doesn't entitle you to quote
and duplicate a sentence that I NEVER WROTE AND NEVER WOULD WRITE. I have
no idea where you got it--again, I'm not convinced you're not so
determined to ruin my career that you'd be underhanded enough to fake it yourSELF,
but I'll take you at your word that you didn't.
But you should take me at MY word that I didn't write or type those
words. I don't use that word verbally or in text, with you or anyone else.
Someone was impersonating me. For all I know, someone at my home sent it from
my e-mail account. But I didn't. And won't. I'm just not that way. I
don't use scatological language, I don't like it, and I don't force it on
other people, unlike you.
So quit claiming that I do.
What on earth compells you regarding this, or that silly Hedy Lamarr
business (I NEVER claimed I wrote anything but the WFLD obituary for
her; there were proably 2000 if not 4000 separate TV, radio and print obits
written for her) I wrote one, and only one of what surely were many
many various ones upon her demise, and the fact that you can't understand
that suggests you don't understand media one whit...which is rather
surprising, since I thought you were sharp the one time I remember talking to you
on-air...which of course you used as an opportunity to try to foist
some scatological language of your OWN on my audience, which I why I cut
short the call.
All of the above was written on the presumption that you've been
dealing with me in good faith, when your behavior on-air and in your hostile
e-mails of course indicates otherwise.
Sincerely,
BRYAN STYBLE/Seattle
So there you go, fellow eye-bleeders. And to think this guy had a 0.08-rated show. How dare anyone turn the radio off when their ears bleed - of all the nerve!
Other than that quip, the floor is yours.
As radio folk incessantly say when they call-in:
"I'll take your comments off the air"
