The Beast Speaks (again again)

Sorry folks. Been a bit under the weather as of late. But without further ado...

Well, he's at it again.

Yes, once again Pat Robertson has descended the Sinai heights to bring us good news. Oh I'm sorry....thats not true, good news is something Christ is supposed to bring. Pat brings us this instead:

God is warning of Big storms, Robertson says
"If I heard the Lord right about 2006, the coasts of America will be lashed by storms," Robertson said May 8. On Wednesday, he added, "There well may be something as bad as a tsunami in the Pacific Northwest."

As noted before here and here, Pat Robertson is always a reliable train-wreck.

Don't believe me? Turn the tele over to UPN 11 this morning (& every morning) at 9am. The first 10 minutes or so of 700 club "News stories" are immediately followed by Pat commentary. Did I say Pat commentary? I meant raw, unscripted, cue-cards-out-the-window, PAT. Remember to have a hair-trigger finger on that VCR/TiVo record button.

(Word of warning: The preceding show - "Daily Buzz" - is endlessly more painful than the 700 Club. Trust me)

But this whole "God hates fags/Sends destruction/Kills fags" scenario got me thinking. Maybe Pat has something here. Not about the fags. But certainly about the relationship between Natural disasters & "What God hates". Bare with me now.

Let's just look at the prime US candidate for God's wrath: Tornado Alley. Heres a nice little map from our friends at NOAA:


Now who could God be punishing in this scenario?
I've got a pretty goddamn good idea. Compare with this map showing the GOP/Dem voting patterns for 2004:

Notice how them-there twisters coincidentaly miss all them-there True-Blue-Dixie-Chick-traitor counties. Did I say coincidence? Well, as we all well know from listening to Pat et al, with God in charge there are no coincidences. Taken together, only one conclusion can be drawn.

Thats right, you heard it here first. Nate just returned from Mount Sinai with truly good news: God hates Republicans.

Jack Chick track of the Week

I know, it's been more than a week. But now that I've created a new bucket o'bandwidth (with which to rip Jack), I should be more loyal to this premise & promise.

So without further ado, tonight's episode:











































(well, let's just call this Nate's alternate ending)

Mission Accomplished

I just love restrospectives, don't you?

June 5th, 2003
Bush to troops: Mission accomplished



February 23rd, 2006
Dozens killed as Iraq slides towards civil war

MP Geraldo?

Geraldo Rivera for Israeli Knesset?

Don't really have a big opinion or tirade to make about this. Other than the fact that Geraldo is a total douchebag. A "Doosh Banoony" some might say.

But I did find this statement funny:
"Can you imagine me going nose to nose
with my fellow legislators from some of the
narrowly based parties?"
(bold print mine)

Yeah, & with no joke attached. I'm just suprised he didnt say "shnoz to shnoz". Can you imagine?

SC illuminati ALERT, Part II: More fun with Suplin

Not more than a day after I posted this about your friend & mine "Steve Suplin", I recieved a response from mansonlover69, author of the tremendous 2004 blog entry about Suplin's apparently overflowing slime.

It also just so happens that mansonlover69 is a fellow mycult comrade - & after a few exchanges of 1's & 0's the flood-gates on Suplin-gate have split wide open.

First off, "K" (until I get her real-name go-ahead) confirmed that her "Mr. Suplin" was indeed our Steve:

yes, Mr. Steve Suplin he "resigned" from Kamiak HS earlier this year... but he really didnt have a choice... he was told he could either leave or get fired lol
(again, sounds very familiar)

But in further correspondence, she divulged this tender morsel:
He was out of school for the first semester last year because he got into a car accident. So then he used that to justify using "medicinal" marijuana and pain killers.

Again, familiar... BUT this morsel also confirmed something that I had found in my original go-lookie-this-for-me machine search - someone responding to a classified ad for "Painkillers Oxycontin Percocet Vicodin for sale":

Name: Steve Suplin E-Mail: ssup26@verizon.net Date/Time: October 01, 2004 at 12:01 AM Subject: Re: Painkillers Oxycontin Percocet Vicodin for sale * * * In Reply to: Re: Painkillers Oxycontin Percocet Vicodin for sale * * * posted by jim mcgee on March 21, 2004 at 12:50 AM Home Page: JIM MCGEE -- I AM RESPONDING. HAVE CHRONIC BACK PAIN DUE TO AUTO ACCIDENT. EXTREME. AM INTERESTED IN 7.5 MG PERCOCET. -SS

What were the rules for Woodward & Bernstein during Watergate? Two sources? PRINT THAT PUPPY! hahaha

But it gets even better. For some reason, I just decided to google Suplin again today - thinking I might get something more. I got this (2nd result): Blog scripted by your's truly

Significance: All we need now is for Steve to google his own name, & then the chips fall (and the good-times roll). Thanks for failing me in English Lit Suplin... Karma's a bitch, no?

Note: I really do believe that a meeting of the SC illuminati is in order soon (I'll try to get an appearance by our patron saint: Herr Osborne).

SC illuminati ALERT

Your's truly, the google super-sleuth, plugged "Steve Suplin" into the ol' amazin go-lookie-up-this-for-me machine... au voilla:

Recalling the heady days of progressive station KZAM

Ho-hum, right. But look closer at the names/faces in that photo... especially the Gabe Kotter look-alike in the middle listed as "Steve Suplin"

(curse the gods I wish I could enlarge this photo)

Yeah. Steve Suplin, Progressive DJ... Oh what tangled webs we weave

Nate's exhibit-B:
Still readily available is Suplin's recent tirade against would-be dry-humping in the Everett Herald:
"Paper promoted teens cuddling"
(curse the gods I wish I could find this cuddling photo)

Nate's exhibit-C:
This random weblog entry (dated November 22, 2004) from one manson_lover69 with the following passage:

i tend to post when i'm bored... woot for me... not...

oh dudes... i think mr. suplin is seriously infatuated with me or something ... i'm not kidding... hes always asking me to answer all his questions and i didnt do my A.R. last quarter so i shouldda had a C, but he magically said i did so he gave me an A-... oh and hes always like, "kayleigh, come over here for a second *stares at boobs*... ok, go back to your desk" what the fuck is that about... lol... dude... hes the biggest stoner @ our school... he always gives me "the look" *shudders* gross!! enough about this, i'm feelin sick talkin about it ugh

Yeah, that sounds about right. The Nate rests

Signs your religion might suck (or totally rule!)

Disclaimer: ALL religions suck - some just more than others. (& you thought Christ's melt-in-your-mouth, blood-&-body-snacks were strange)

Shiite Holy day of Ashura, Honoring the martyrdom of Hussein, the 3rd Immam & rightful successor to Muhammad (according to the Shi'a muslims, & dividing line between Shi'a & Sunni)

I must say, pretty cool if your into the whole "spiritually sanctioned S&M", but don't let us stop you - reality TV isn't even this good (yet)

Note: the AP & others included a bunch of mamby-pamby captions (yawn) - so I've taken some artistic license with mine. Look for some choice shots near the bottom.

Recipe for Ashurafest (AKA "Ashurapalooza"):

Step 1: Sharpen-up some 4 inch blades Step 2: Hang blades from cat-o-nine-tails chain whip. (Chris, you need to produce some of these in your weapon forge) Steps 3-138: Flog yourself with knife chain whips
(repeat as necessary) "Hey, keep-up with the rest of us, Fridge!" Blade envy. But we've got the biggest blades of them all!
I did this once, but it was more of a Chris Benoit head-butt onto a Ukulele
Oh wow, Im having so much fun! You wanna lose some weight real quick? How about 6 pints? Awwwww, aren't they adorable? Fun for the whole fam! And now for the punchlines: "Yeah mom, can I call you back in a sec... I need to go flagellate again" "I'm sorry ma'am - no nail-clippers allowed...
Only knife-whips & scimitars beyond this point" "Damnit, I knew I should've bought the 1280x1024 mpx screen"

And now, the big show-stopper (drumroll please): Guess who's taking over the ship when we leave Iraq?
What could possibly go wrong!?

PS, Is this blog going to start riots?

Snakes on a Plane

The Plot:

"On board a flight over the Pacific Ocean, an assassin, bent on killing a passenger who's a witness in protective custody, lets loose a crate full of deadly snakes" (IMDB)

Once again, the name of the Movie: Snakes on a Plane! Good lord, does this ever spark my curiousity! Just what can we expect from this non-stop action-packed thrill-ride? And what creative GENIUS marketing team barfed-forth this title? Well, this gets a tad cloudy, but it looks like all thanks goes to non-other than Samuel L Jackson:

"The studio tried to change the flick's name to Pacific Air Flight 121 earlier this year, but star Samuel L. Jackson balked, saying the original title ('Snakes on a Plane') was a big reason he signed on." (wired.com)

Good move, Sammy J. What could go wrong with that? I can see it now: Tyler & Melissa (big thanks for the alert you two) and yours truly sit in an empty theatre. The lights dim. The credits roll:
New Line Cinema presents... A Craig Berensen production... Samuel L Jackson...

Snakes on a Plane!
(dramatic music blasts)
Oh man, stomach so tight right now. I gotta go sit down & breath into a bag before I blow a gasket.

I could be wrong, but I do believe that if the above scenario occurs, I may break some ribs.

Medical Madness

I glanced passed this on someone's "funny photos" page, but here's the punchline: Oh dude, this is real.

Olympic Medical - "Papoose board"

Sweet fancy moses. I would say I was glad that these werent around when I was younger, but they come in ADULT sizes.

Hands up - who sees me in one these before the end of the year?