Pokey the Penguin vs. Rick Wallace: The Complete Saga

(The following was compiled & emailed to me in 1999 by good friend & Gummo percussionist extraordinaire - Scott Schickler)

Long ago - circa 1997 - in an online world much smaller than ours today, there existed a comic to end all comics: Pokey the Penguin. Hooooray!


Pokey was the creation of macpaint GENIUS Steve Havelka.

Pokey had several friends & got in many uneventful situations. Some of my favorite were:
Pokey & the Pirates
Mr. Nutty
Pokey has the Unternet
All them can still be viewed here: Pokey the Penguin Archive

Also making his mark on cyberworld was one
"Rick Wallace"


Rick was a 20 year old entrepreneur & ladies man. So much a ladies man in fact, that Rick sent out a message of desperation on his webpage - much like a Sea cucumber releasing sperm:
RICK WALLACE NEEDS YOU!!!

Rick also detailed his sexual tyrannosaur prowess here:
----------------------------------------------------------------
Rick's Dating Statistics
How many girlfriends I've ever had: 0
How many dates I've ever been on: 0
How many times I've been kissed by a girl: 0
How many times I've been hugged by a girl: 0
How many times I've ever held a girl's hand: 0
How many times a girl has ever asked me to sit with her at assembly: 0
How many times a girl has ever asked me to sit with her at vespers: 0
How many times a girl has ever asked me to sit with her at the cafeteria: 0
How many times a girl has ever asked me to sit with her at all: 0
How many times a girl has ever said 'Hello' to me: 0
How many times a girl has ever smiled at me: 0
How many girls have ever wanted to associate themselves with me: 0
How many girls probably even care: 0
--------------------------------------------------------------

These two cyberworlds were about to collide.

One day - in the fall of 1998 - Pokey decided that Rick needed a friend - and included Rick in one of his many zany adventures...

This episode - Number 214 in the archive - is seemlingly lost; wiped clean by the cyber-sands of time... UNTIL NOW! (man was I ever bored at work last night):









Included in this Episode was a link to Rick's sperm-in-the-water webpage.

A lion's share of online bullies (ie the entire internet community circa '98) descended upon the hapless Rick Wallace - much like a pack of wolves around a weak duckling. Emails came in like hornets - stinging poor Rick... and no my friends - sadly, not one from that special girl.


Rick promptly shut-down his website... BUT TOO LATE! The Archiving internet bullies of '97 had already created multiple mirrored sights... CURSE THEM!

At his very whits-end, Rick sent several cease & desist emails to Pokey & Co.

Letter to Pokey: "Please stop"

Letter to Pokey: "Pretty please?"

Letter to Pokey: Legal threat

Despite the 3-day grace period (!!!), Pokey did not respond!
And so the hapless Rick Wallace (no relation to William Wallace - thank God) appealed to a higher power: Daddy Donald E. Wallace...

Letter from Pops Wallace to Pokey: Legal threat

This obviously upset our hero Pokey (peace be upon him, hoooooray!), & warranted a response. This letter could be the greatest response to threatened legal action:

Pokey's reply: "HAVE A VERY FUN DAY!!!!"

Of course Pokey was right, & the mirrors won the day... HOOORAY!... I mean, BOOO!! you mean ol' Cyber-bullies, BOOOO!

Sad ending? I think not. Here was the big update. Our other lonely hero Rick Wallace finally got a response to his pleas (I assume).
Wedding Album - Rick & Elizabeth Wallace

Now this is still a highly debateable development, but you be the judge, do the photos match?:


HOOORAY FOR POKEY THE PENGUIN!!!!
& HOOOORAY FOR MR. & MRS. RICK WALLACE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Old letter

Found this in the PI archives. Forgot about this one:
http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/opinion/108170_ltrs12.shtml


Both sides of war issue put needed pressure on Saddam

With pro-war and anti-war camps (nationally and internationally) lining up and their rhetoric increasing, it's important to see the benefits of having both sides around.

As much as I am opposed to a full-fledged war and occupation of Iraq, I commend President Bush for his show of resolve. At the same time, I also commend the leaders of France, Germany, China and Russia in their firm stances on increased inspections.

Taken together, these two "fronts" give us numerous opportunities for potential resolutions outside of war. In the realm of international politics, these two fronts represent carrots and sticks incentives: The United States turns up the heat and shines the interrogation light into Saddam's eyes while Germany, France, China and Russia offer Saddam a cookie and a Coke if he cooperates. Historically, these kinds of incentives have been very successful tools in international negotiations.

Despite the pundits' predictions, let us also remember that -- as of now -- we are not at war. Saddam still has time to comply with the U.N. inspectors. More important, the United States still has time to wait for a stronger coalition. From a strategic point of view, Germany, France, China and Russia are essential allies and should not be sacrificed at the altar of unilateral action. Meanwhile, the United States should keep Saddam on the burner, and set it on high.

We must rally behind our central goal -- disarming Saddam. Beyond this, it is in our best interest to support both fronts: President Bush's increasing resolve and our potential allies' stances for more inspection opportunities.

NG
Seattle